My elderly mom has been in nursing rehab for many months (dementia). A few days ago I received an email that she would be discharged in a few days. I tried to email them and say it is not safe for her to return home but they said the rehab's social workers gave the OK. Mom has an older man who lives in the house and the social workers said he could take care of her meds and be her "caregiver". I work full time, live out of town and have been trying to get her on medicaid, manage her bills, taxes, the house and her care remotely. She does not have a POA.
The housemate made a wreck of the place and I am not sure how competent he is. He is a nice guy but If anything happens to him or he decides to leave there could be a big problem.
The local social agencies have been USELESS and lawyers are hard to get booked at best. At this point I have to ask, should I try to find emergency backup care in case her friend can not manage? I would like to see her in a quality long care facility. Stressed and tired. Thanks
Please keep us posted.
I was in the state of panic because the news of here release was so abrupt. Right now I am really tapped out with work and things piling up. If she wishes to go home then I will back off and allow that to happen. Perhaps this may be the best thing in the short term. She is able enough to do cleaning and get the place in order. Her housemate seems to be on top of her meds. I am keeping a close eye on things, especially her accounts.
The big priority is to research her income sources and put something together for her tax service then get her taxes done.
I did get an email from the rehab place. They feel the housemate is adequate and she does not need much care. They said she became pretty independent. I know her improvement was a result of being supervised and taken care of. Hopefully she can continue to thrive.
I am not sure what to do about her pending Medicaid applications. The application the rehab worked on may not be complete. I have not gotten a straight answer. She still has 42K in her portfolio. I just found a total bill for her rehab services for 70K! Perhaps it is time to look for an attorney to help. This is getting to be more than I can deal with.
Sorry for the convoluted rant It has been a rough week.
I assume this housemate is not her husband. BF or just a roommate. Is he willing to do her care giving? If not, he needs to tell the SW he is not caring for your Mom. He can say he is just a roommate and will not be responsible for her. Tell them you can't care for her either. She needs to transfer to LTC from rehab because its an "unsafe discharge" to send her home.
It's almost impossible to act for a NON-cooperative senior.
Secondly, it is almost impossible to act from another locale.
I know because I operated for a calm, agreeable, and cooperative brother from one-half the state away (far enough for me to need to fly).
Both in terms of having to BE THERE often the first year of working to give all entities new mailing address and billing instructions and setting up branching banking and create and manage POA, attorney (there) and etc. it was quite the nightmare. That 5 years ago was how I got to this Forum, kicking and screaming.
Now you say that authorities aren't helpful. Which authorities?
Have you contacted APS and asked for wellness check?
Do that today if you have not.
Tell them you tried to prevent discharge because this gentleman is not competent to help and that the home is a disaster and you are "terribly afraid" mom is in trouble. Tell them she will not allow you to help her, and tell them you believe she needs state supervision and guardianship.
I caution you not to take this on. Your mother has had her life. We all die. She apparently wants to die in this squalor with this man.
Allow that then, or allow it until the NEXT call, when again you can attempt to intervene with social workers. What have you BETTER to offer her? Extended care living an extra year or so? No thanks. I say that as an 82 year old.
Not everything can be fixed. I believe if you take this on, the anxiety, which in my case was grade A stuff, will overcome you, and moreover your mother will NEVER thank you for her being in care. She will die begging to return home; you will feel at fault.
The older I get the more I can allow for the RIGHT, and perhaps even the preference to die at HOME in almost any condition.
There is no perfect in the world of extended care facilities; I myself believe they are about to get WORSE than they already are.
Call APS. Let them intervene and tell them without there intervention your mother may well die at home, and there's nothing you can do about that. And that is the god's truth.
I hope that you will update us.
And why did you email the rehab center instead of going and getting in their face stating loud and clear that this is an unsafe discharge, or at least call them, and that you won't allow it?
If mom has no POA you will just have to wait until the next "incident" happens and hope something can be done then.
Have you contacting APS yet? Or just local Agency on Aging and social services? If you haven't called APS, that is who you should contact, along with maybe the police to do a welfare check as necessary.
Your difficulty is that “if anything happens to him or he decides to leave, there could be a big problem”. It sounds as though you have to wait for that ‘big problem’ to happen. Then you can arrange another chance for her to move into care because there is no alternative.