I was the RN...carried the full load, with my husband, until mum died at 91....14 long, difficult years. My sister lives on the opposite coast and visited once a year, for a week. I had a meltdown yesterday when I saw her bill, a screaming fit, and want to cut my sister out of my life. I tried talking to her on the phone and she said, “I’m legally entitled to this.” Why is it so unfair? What do I do? Why did I work for free and she is not?

Sadly, the law is on your sister's side, Stinks, I know. Executors are entitled to a percentage of the estate or a fixed sum for hours spent "working" on the disposition of the estate.

You absolutely should receive something--were you cut out of the will completely? Did you have any kind of CG arrangement made with mom?

Try talking rationally to sister, and if she doesn't see fit to compensate you appropriately--if she doesn't see your side in this, perhaps consult an attorney. HOWEVER--attorneys can cost you more than you stand to inherit. It's up to you how you handle this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Midkid58

While I definitely feel you are entitled to a Caregivers wage for the care of your Mom, you would have been better served if you had had a Caregivers Contract for pay in place during the time that you cared for her, and had a better leg to stand on, after the fact. If your Sister is Decent and Fair, she may give you this obvious consideration, but it's the Whole "after the fact" that you might have trouble getting around.

If you weren't paid during the time that you cared for your Mom, then have a calm sit down with your Sister to discuss, and if she comes back at you with the old "well you lived with Mom for free", "ate for free", oh Mom gave you gas money" or should have been doing the care out of the kindness of your heart", and other excuses, and then explain that you missed out on prime earning years in your career, and all of that money you Could have been putting away into your Retirement and SS, as that is where us Caregivers get hurt in the end, by not realizing just how much it hurts us to give up our jobs and our lives to care for our Parents, and unfortunately it's our siblings who do not always see it that way.

I do hope she is reasonable, and is Fair to you in some way, as you certainly deserved it, but I would doubt that she will offer you 14 years of RN pay, that's for sure. Try to be realistic in your request, with a dollar amount for each year you cared for her. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to staceyb

You should file a bill against the estate, you are legally entitled as well, then she can get her pay and you can get yours.

Don't do it for free. Stand up for your rights.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

Send the estate a bill for your 14 years of care. I doubt she’ll pay it but you can make your point. You are morally entitled.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to 97yroldmom

An executor is entitled to 5% of the estate. Not sure if that is before or after expenses occured after the death. All my Mom had was a house and its been a headache. Check with probate and ask if she is entitled to more than her 5%.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Auntiedodo Nov 9, 2018
And what about me? I didn’t bill the estate RN wages for 14 years...
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter