Follow
Share

Basically I am just tired of caring for her. I am so tired of not having a life. I have a brother and sister who refuse to do anything. How can I get some help ? I have been doing this for over five years. I have tried everything I can think of to get a break. My mother is not able to do anything for herself. I can not even put her in a NH being as how she was denied medicaid because she would go to the bank and take out thousands of dollars to give to her relatives. I finally put a stop to her being scammed out of her life savings. Now I am left to pay all the bills. Once her family got all her money not one of them will even answer the phone. Mom was in a NH until her checks bounced and out the door she went. Mom moved in wife and kids moved out.  How can I get this straightened out ?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
What a very, very sad situation!

Are you in the US? Do you have a place you can go to? You are not responsible for your mother's bills, and you are not obligated to care for her. Call Adult Protection Services and explain that you are resigning from the care of your mother. You want to see her protected, but you cannot continue to do it all.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You should not be paying her bills. You need to think of your own retirement. Next time she is admitted to the hospital, refuse to take her home and tell them her care needs are more than you can provide. You could also call Adult Protective Services and tell them the same. There must be a way, I am sure you are not the only person this has happened to. How many thousands did she give away? Were you one of the recipients? You may also consider reporting other relatives to APS.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If I'm not mistaken, you can have up to $2000. in the bank to qualify for Medicaid (Medi-Cal in California).
If she has more than $2000., you can put her in a facility and "pay down" her money, then, when it's $2000. or less, she'll qualify.

The board and care facilities are the cheapest (in So. Calif. about $3500./mo. and up, depending on the level of care.)

A drastic move would be to drop her off at your local ER (with a fictitious or real ongoing illness), then tell them, due to your own physical problems (make up something if you don't already have a problem-back pain works), and you are no longer able to take care of her. Let them know she has other children. Do NOT take her back with you. There is a social worker in every hospital and they are used to having emergency placement. She may be charged for the NH placement if she still has $.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'd consult with an attorney about what your situation and what your rights and obligations are, with the goal being to free yourself. There are laws and provisions to protect people, who are helpless and ill. I'd explore that and let the chips fall where they may. No one is required to be an indentured servant in the USA.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that everyone would give their money to relatives if they could still get Medicaid to pay. Does Mom have any income of her own?
If you can afford it a visit to an eldercare lawyer would be appropriate to see if there is any way of getting that money back. I would think that if it went into something substantial like a house or car the recipient could be made to sell and hand over the cash.
I think I would also approach medicaid and see if they have any bright ideas about how to get round this.
As Glad says stop paying Mom's bills, they are not your responsibility. If she still owns a house sell it immediately. It would be abusive to put her out on the streets you need to keep her safe and feed her but don't pay things like medical bills etc.
Find an excuse to take her to the ER . It sounds as though she has some pre existing conditions that would have to be investigated. Slip quietly out the door and when they come calling tell them you are not taking her back. They will give you a hard time and may be quite nasty but keep your doors locked and stand firm.
Before you do any of this contact APS and see if they have any helpful suggestions Don't tell any one about taking her to the ER just do it.
As you know you are between a rock and a hard placebut i am sure there is a way out. At the very least Medicare can put a lien on any property the cash recipients have and they won't like that because it can't be sold with a lien on it. Legal advice first even if you have to do it through Legal Aid.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I tried to have her committed as a ward of the state. The state did nothing. Only option I have is to kick her out to the street and I would never do that. APS does nothing it is a joke. Basically she is a zombie who has paranoid schizophrenia. Mom lives with me she has nothing. In order to get medicaid she has to pay back the money she can not account for around four hundred thousand dollars. I have been to court got nothing back. She gets social security and a pension. This helps with the bills. The biggest problem is her schizophrenia really needs to be in a mental ward. I did manage to get her in a ward for a month but then she was moved out.  I refused to pick her up so a social worker brought her to my house and dropped her off.  While she was in a nursing home I was appointed guardianship only after I discovered all her bank accounts empty. Nightmare.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report


Her family talked her into taking out a mortgage on her property. Some of the money she gave away.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Maybe you could follow the social workers example and drop her off at one of the relatives homes. zMaybe the one that instigated the mortgage.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Does she have a psychiatrist? Is she taking meds for the schizophrenia? Could she be reassessed?
Could you call Adult Protective Services and tell them you fear her behavior?
There must be a way to have her taken care of by an institution.
Consult an elder law attorney.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes she has a psychiatrist. Yes she takes meds. APS will do nothing. Yes I have an elder attorney. No I will not just drop her off at a relatives house or the hospital and never look back. We are talking about my mother not some stray dog that showed up on my front door. No the state will not take her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter