I care for an elderly gentleman whose wife just won’t let him die. He’s bedridden contracted and has no quality of life. I’m at a loss. Any advice?

It is indeed inhumane, and I feel terrible for everyone involved. His body, however, will make the final decision because feeding tube or not, when his heart stops, that's it.

Depending on what she has been told (in the past), what she believes, this is what you do for your loved one. To deny food either oral or a feeding tube and to deny hydration either oral or an IV is wrong.
She is doing what she feels is right.
You can not, nor should you project your feelings on her. You can support her. You can help him as much as you can within the scope or care that you can give.
If you do not feel that you can do this if you are working for an agency ask to be relieved of this client.
You are not going to change her mind
She may be fearful of living the rest of her life without him
She may be fearful of her "afterlife" if she does anything that may "hasten" his death, or if she does not do all that she can now.
If you believe, pray for her, pray for him that they are both relieved of their pain and suffering. They are both in pain, they are both suffering one physically one mentally.
If he has any say in his care at all he might be the only one that can get her to change course.

If the doctors think that prolonging his life is useless, then why do they not report the situation. This woman unknowingly is abusing her husband. The bed sores are probably Kennedy which is a sign of dying as are the contrations. Are there no children? Can Hospice be called in just to explain that he is actively dying and needs comfort care they can give him. She needs to realize she is torturing this poor man.

He will die sooner than later. Lets pray he passes soon in his sleep.

As this poor gentleman apparently is not deemed well enough to make his own decisions, the end of life care decisions are in the hands of his wife. I agree with you that this is heartbreaking, but there is nothing to be done about it. The doctors are correct. You are correct. But there is nothing to be done about it, but to have the doctors consult with the wife. This is a self-limiting problem. This poor gentleman will pass sooner rather than later. I am so sorry you are witness to what feels torturous to you, and I hope the wife will accept medications for this gentleman's suffering until he can find peace. This is terribly sad.

This is such a sad situation but there is nothing you can do. Even if he has advanced medical directives, which state he doesn't want invasive or heroic care, she can still request that medical professionals continue with this type of treatment.

Even if he can express his own desires, I doubt she would honor them as I imagine she is scared to let him go.

If the medical professionals can't help her make the right decision and accept hospice care, all you can do is try and make him as comfortable as possible.

This is so sad- when my grandfather went into the hospital - we knew he wouldn't come home. My grandmother refused to leave the hospital. We ALL knew - the doctors and the rest of the family - that the only reason he was still hanging on was because she would not let him go. And she knew it too- it was why she stayed. We tried for days to get her to go home, get some rest, get out for lunch - anything to get her to leave for a bit. We finally talked her into leaving for a bit and he was able to relax and let go.

I think the saddest thing I have ever seen was her trying to so desperately to hold him here when he was ready to go. I loved my grandfather dearly - and I know it would break my heart to be in her position with my own husband. I don't even want to think about it. But at the same time- I would hope that I would be able to think about what was best for him and not myself at that time.

It breaks my heart for this lady, but also for her husband, because it sounds like he is suffering to some extent because his body is just worn out and ready to be done and she just can't let go. Does she have a pastor, any family or close friend that might be able to talk to her about this?

Has anyone pointed out to the woman that her husband may not want to continue living ? Would she want to be in his condition ? Or would she rather be made comfortable and allowed to let go?

What does the elderly gentleman say about this?

That is very sad. Although my father had a living will, it was emotionally upsetting to my mom who wanted him to eat/drink.
:(

She is not thinking of him. She's thinking of herself only. She's most likely afraid to be alone, afraid to not have her husband, afraid to be on her own, etc. Without him, she will probably fall apart, so she doesn't want to let him go. Very sad for both of them.