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I moved in over 6 months ago and it's been hell! I've had to put a lock on my door because the mother does not comprehend privacy or boundaries. If I open my door she is right on me saying she needs me to to do something and it she can't wait. She gets mad if I don't jump and is constantly complaining about everything. Then agreement was that she would pay me and immediately after moving is told she will be wouldn't. I recently got an assessment for my friend to get PCA services so I will have some income but I don't know what to do about the mother.
I have to keep my door locked or she will take things and she expects me to drop everything to help her. This is wearing in me physically and mentally . The mother doesn't care for anything but herself and her needs. How can I tell her that I s not my job, my responsibility and tell her I'm not the problem?

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Who's house is it? Friends or mothers? If friends she needs to have a talk with Mom. It does sound like Mom is a little off. Don't do for her. Tell her your there for your friend, not her. Where is ur friend in all this. I so hope you have a place to go back to. If Mom is not able to care for friend, you need to call APS and tell them you need to leave a bad situation but you do not feel friend should be left alone with Mom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Oh my gosh, these situations never work out. Why would you agree to working for someone without receiving payment?

What kind of care are you providing for this person and how is the mother involved? Who hired you?

What did you initially agree to? I am going to assume that you didn’t discuss arranging a contract with your friend? A good deal is only possible when both parties are satisfied.

You aren’t satisfied, so iron out the details now or quit and move out.

Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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So you have a job in which you receive no pay, and are caring for a "friend" in her mother's house?
Why does your friend require care?

Are you living in this home rent free?

Exactly what is your agreement with the person for whom you provide care, and what is your agreement with her mother?

If there is no pay, no agreement, and you are not receiving free housing can you tell us why you think that this is a good idea?
Can you tell us why you are staying in this situation?

Because offhand this makes no sense whatsoever, does it?
Normally we do not give up our entire lives to work for others unless we have got us to a nunnery.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Fawnby avatar
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Fawnby Dec 20, 2023
I worked with someone who got herself to a nunnery, and they fired her. She wanted to clean the toilets with a brush and they insisted she use a rag. She was told she didn’t have the proper attitude of obedience to be a nun. So she was sent home in disgrace and became a secretary instead.
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Why would you take a job w/o pay? Unless you need a place to stay and made a trade, your services for free rent. If so, I think you need to move out because it's an untenable situation where you have no rights and were lied to, being told you'd get paid and now you aren't. If that's what you said, I'm not 100% sure. The mother sounds like she has dementia which is not something you can use reason or logic with. She won't accept or understand privacy or boundaries, nor is she capable of keeping promises if dementia is at play.

Either your friend speaks to her mother about paying you immediately, or you move out. That's the only option I see in this situation. If you want to be a live in caregiver, there should be plenty of paying jobs you can get in this market.

Good luck to you.
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