He's 85 and crazy as a bed bug as they say. He doesn't do anything for himself and constantly pees all over our house and I feel he does it on purpose because he knows I am the one that has to clean up after him. He won't even change his depends when its obviously so full that it leaks onto his bed and his pants and stinks but still he acts like its ok. He uses the hand sanitizer I put in his bathroom as hair tonic and uses an entire roll of toilet paper everyday but I can't figure out what he using it for since he pees all over the floor and his clothes and the furniture. He sleeps all day and then stays up all night banging around while my husband and I try to get some sleep. He's been deaf for 20 years and refused to learn sign language so talking to him is out of the question. I hate the sight of him and fear I will snap on his old *ss and end up in jail for doing so. His other children ( 1 girl-61 and 2 boys 62 & 58) are absouluetly worthless and never had a home so they can't take him. He has no money and I refuse to pay for this old man's nursing home bills so what do I do. I WANT OUT OF THIS SO BAD I'M ABOUT TO DIVORCE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE OVER IT.
Run for the hills!
No one can make you a caregiver for someone you are feeling this way about.
No one can force you to pay for his nursing home bills either.
It is understandable that you feel this way, by what you have said, and I believe you.
Unless you are chained outback overnight while your husband and his father sleep, there is no way you should stay a moment longer.
A situation like this will kill any love you have left for your husband.
He seems a part of this living a lie, not believing you. If you continue to allow yourself to be an indentured servant, you may never recover from this bitterness and burnout. If you believe what you have said here, (you would have to pay for your Fil's NH?)you may have been gaslighted. You can look that up.
You do not need a solution, you just need to walk out with what dignity you have left, and do it now.
It should be against the law for anyone to have to endure this treatment. And, imo, you should not be allowed to come near this elderly old fool to protect him and yourself from the hate brewing.
Just leave.
3) He does #1 or you leave. Period.
I don't see anything where ur husband believes Dad over u as said in a reply. Does your hubby think this is normal? I would no longer clean up after him. I probably wouldn't have from day one. I don't do well with bodily functions of other people. Time for a sit down. This is not your job. Dad needs pros to care for him.
I wouldn't even hire a caregiver. They are not going to be able to do anything about his peeing all over either. They say deaf people are more likely to get a Dementia.
So, I would put him in a nursing home ASAP. Or yesterday.
If he has no money, he will have to go on gov't aid of some sort. You are NOT responsible for paying a dime for his care.
If hubby does not agree, move out on a temporary basis. If you love him, tell him so. BUT tell him that you REFUSE to live under these conditions.
"I hate the sight of him and fear I will snap on his old *ss and end up in jail for doing so."
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