I can't care for my mom anymore. I need a kidney transplant and its getting to difficult and I'm burned out.

I wonder how OP was able to handle her problem.

Raveness, take her to ER & say you need SNF placement for your mother as you are no longer able to manage her because you are sick ..& need surgery. That’s it..& they will take care of it. Hugs 🤗

Yes, you can just bring her to a hospital ER. When you get there, tell the triage nurse that you need a 'Social Admit' for your mother and ask to speak to a social worker.
They will send one to speak with you and then you explain that you cannot and will not take your mother back into your home because you are unable to care for her.
They will admit her to the hospital and will keep her there until they find a facility who has placement available for her. Once she's placed you can look at different facilities and can move her if you like. The facility she's placed in by the hospital will take care of her Medicaid application too.

I couldn't get my mom on medicaid, as suggested by the lawyer, as I couldn't find all her documents. It was a long saga....my mom had vascular dementia, kept falling and ended up bedridden.

She was in several facilities, then t took her home on home hospice. The first home hospice she was on wouldn't put her in an inpatient hospice facility. I dropped then and tried to care for mom myself, until one night I became overwhelmed with diaper changing and called 911. She tested positive for c difficile in the hospital, so they treated her and then wanted to send her home to the same environment.

I said I couldn't disinfect it enough to take her home so early..... Social workers and doctor very nasty.

She ended up in another snf but the pricing was ridiculous
..... I took her out after she was there for a little under one month, and got her on a second home hospice.

The system is terrible. Snf's without medicaid are ridiculously expensive. I paid for 2 months upfront, and got a partial refund when she came home on home hospice.

I found it impossible to get her into an inpatient hospice facility, and didn't want her in another snf.. Way too expensive..... I cared for her at home on home hospice, and she died in March 2021.

The whole thing took a terrible toll on my health...... My weight fell into the 70s at one point.

The system is broken, and more inpatient hospice facilities should exist.

Do you think you can get a guardian for her to relieve you of all this responsibility and stress, as your own health is failing?

If her DR is recommending hospice in any form (including mom in your home, with someone else helping), I say forget any preconditions on accepting hospice, get those papers signed and start that help now. It will be an improvement on what you are dealing with now. Including equipment, like oxygen generator, and hospital bed. Calling out for you means she does need something. And, a hospice professional will be better able to diagnose those needs. Listen to her doctor.

I would call Adult Protection services. You need this operation and time to recover. Mom needs a place to go to. You may want to express that you probably will not be able to ever care for Mom. You may need to allow the State to take over her care. You have been thru this transplant thing before so ur are aware what goes into recuperation.

Lizzbitty my transplant i had was still functioning well in April so I was not in kidney failure then. My mom was not as bad as she is now. I got pressured into taking her home, they just wanted her out. I didn't know then what I do now about that so no its not my fault. I didn't know I could refuse, the social workers were borderline predatory. The system in this country is awful. It was a rehab place.

We got the house for only about 10% under value. It needed a lot of work done. Her DR is recommending hospice. But I need to stress to them that it needs to be inpaitaint hospice. I don't have money for lawyers. I live on ssi disability. Maybe I can insist they find a pending medicaid bed if they won't do hospice in a place. I was told by area on aging it's a 2 year waiting list for long term medicaid and because I only have financial POV and not the medical POV that I couldn't sign her up for it anyway. What are people to do in an urgent situation like this? I feel stuck.

Im stessed and sick. I may need to start diyalisis no one knows when. I recently needed a blood transfusion from servere anemia from the kidney disease. If bf can donate his kidney or we do donor exchange it won't be long. I've now gotten bad anxiety and depression trying to take care of her. I don't understand how they can basically force me as a now sick person to care for her. I have been caring for her on my own since 2016 when it was obviously more manageable. I think the stress probably contributed to my bad health. I love my mom but I'm not going to continue to put my own deteriorating health on the line for her.

I feel awful that I may have to literally leave her at ER to get her care, but I will do what I must. I just hope I can't be charged with elder abandonment. Its ridiculous the red tape we have to go through. Im crying writing this im so stessed out. She constantly calls for me but doesn't need anything. I have to take care of myself now. This next transplant would be my fourth one. I can no longer give up my life and health. Doctors don't understand and try everything to keep them at home. Sorry for the rant, I really don't have anyone that understands my stess and frustration.

You and bf bought the house from mom. Did you pay fair market value? If not you need an elder law attorney to get this straightened out. And yes, Medicaid will look at the home sale as a gift and mom will be subject to penalty and ineligible for Medicaid.

It simply does not matter if you did not intend to cheat the system. That was the affect.

I think you are in an emergency type of situation. I would call your Office of Aging and find out what can be done. You need this operation and she needs someone to care for her.

Medicaid, did they house sell at a good price. Medicaid expects Market Value. Also, that the proceeds go into an acct that is only used for her needs. You maybe able to get around tbat because of the situation.

If you can not care for her and there is no one else that can or will you can contact a lawyer or contact your local Agency on Aging and ask that she be made a Ward of the State and that she need a Guardian. A Guardian will be appointed by the court . You could also call your states Hotline for Elder Abuse and explain that you can no longer safely care for her.
If you go this route you will no longer have any say about the care that your mom gets or where she is placed.
If you are talking to a medical team about your own medical problems have you discussed the situation with them? I am guessing there is a social worker involved.

If you take her to the ER do so if there is a legitimate reason to do so, do not just drive up and drop her off. Ask to talk to a hospital Social Worker and explain the situation.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I had commented in another thread earlier today and drew some criticism for my advice but I'm going to advise the same to you. You need to do whatever it takes, whatever you have to do, to get her out of the house and into a better environment. If that means calling 911 for any perceived possible reason, so be it. I recommend transport by ambulance because that is the safest and most reliable (she will be admitted to ER and seen right away instead of possibly sitting in the ER waiting room). You get her into the hospital and this time, as you admittedly know better now, you absolutely refuse to take her home. It is not safe for you or your mom anymore. You CANNOT be forced to take care of her, in fact you are no longer capable of providing the care she needs, for her safety and yours.

Try dropping her off at the ER. Keep stressing that you as a medically needy person cannot deal with the lifting, the playing with and throwing poo, the wandering or whatever.