I cannot find any affordable assisted living for my mom. Any suggestions?


I love my mother but she has become more demanding with needs that I feel lost in handling, and I really feel its time for her to go, I'm it, she has no one else and I'm wearing down, which on that subject, people make me feel bad cuz I just can't do this anymore. She's not been diagnosed with dementia, but I think she is suffering from it. She makes logical decisions rarely and every day she says"I dont know why the Lord won't take me", or"I wish I had a gun", EVERY DAY SHE SAYS THESE THINGS, and I really don't know what to do with that, I feel tons of guilt cuz I'm losing my compassion it feels like, cuz I'm doing the best I can and I cant have a logical conversation with her, it simply feels like I'm having to take care of a stranger, she's hoarding past hurts that I can't fix or help her to make some kind of peace with things so she can let them go. I guess I'm saying shes a very depressed person and I've grown very weary but I dont want her to go to a nursing home, and assisted living is ridiculously priced, they're just ripoffs, I feel like, I'm just rambling, this is the only place I can speak what's really on my mind, I would appreciate someone telling me if I'm being selfish I guess, cuz she is my mother, but she is a very difficult person the majority of the time and my marriage is suffering hugely, we r on the verge of splitting up after 25 yrs, its like I have to choose between my mother and my husband which is so unfair, I know there's others out there feeling like I am, I'm just looking for someone to suggest something, cuz I'm totally alone in her care and well being, but do I really have to lose my own life?

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Instead of a NH maybe look into a "care home". They are family homes that take in a few elders, and the setting is a house, not a facility. They are normally much more affordable, and I have 2 friends who have had good experiences with them. She will be around others her age, with some care and full time minders and food, etc. Good luck!
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Is your mother's depression being treated?

Depression is a very real disease, and it's pretty common in folks with Dementia and cognitive decline.

Have you spoken to her doctor about her symptoms?

"Hoarding past hurts" is actually a symptom called rumination. My MIL suffered from it; she could recite every slight she'd ever recieved, going back to childhood. An evening with her could make the cheeriest person suicidal, so I know what you mean!
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Dear Superman56,

I hear your frustrations. It is a lot to care for an elderly parent and it does become emotionally and physically draining. I would try and speak to a social worker about all your options. There is help for you and your mom. It will probably take time to organize but in the meantime, I hope you can arrange for some respite care and give yourself a much needed break.

Please know we are all here to listen and support you.
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