Even the VA home is too expensive. I've fought off the people trying to convince me to put my father into a nursing home so I can save my own life. I never thought I would have to, but his condition has deteriorated to the point that I can no longer give him the care he needs. Against my will, I've been trying to accept that fact. My father is a World War II Veteran who thereafter served as a professional firefighter -- in the days before it was a sexy job and they were recognized as heroes -- until retirement. He now suffers from debilitating dementia and there's a wonderful NY State Veteran's home that would not pain my conscience too much to see him living in. But, even the veteran's home is more than we can afford. I had to quit my job and my education in order to stay home to care for him, his needs are 24/7. All of his very hard-earned funds are being rapidly depleted for his care needs, e.g. incontinence products, several changes of clothing, an HHAide for 1/4 of the time we truly need one because it's all we can afford. I don't know what to do. Here, a lot of people here on this board are saying "Don't feel guilty, you should put them in a nice nursing home and save yourself. " What no one seems to either realize or acknowledge is that, unless you're parent can qualify for Medicaid, i.e., unless you're destitute, you can't get financial help to pay for even the least expensive decent nursing home, i.e. the Veteran's Home. I've fought putting him in one for years, and now that I've finally convinced myself that I must see reality and that he NEEDS to be in a Nursing Home, I find out that a nursing home for him, even to save my own life, is not a feasible option. It's easy to say "Put them in a nursing home and live your life", but if you have no idea that this perceived solution is really not one that many people can afford to choose. Now what?