My mother-in-law is in her mid-70s and is diagnosed with Stage 4 dementia. This is presenting some challenges for the family (when do you step in with finances, when do you cut off driving...she knows how to drive but is easily confused about where to drive). But the biggest problem currently is my brother-in-law. He often waits until he knows her husband will be out of the house and will come over for a "visit." He is a well-known addict (marijuana and opioids) as is his "wife." Multiple items of jewelry are now missing after these visits as well as medications...mainly for pain or for anxiety. He is also pressuring my mother-in-law into co-signing loans for him which has not happened...but is a constant source of conflict between my mother-in-law and her spouse (who is a step-father to my husband and his brother). He has also planted the idea that my father-in-law is having and affair and the missing jewelry items are going to my father-in-law's girlfriend.
The stealing of valuables from the house is not new...there was the same issue approximately 20 years ago with my brother-in-law and his then second wife who stole jewelry and pawned them. In this case, we found pawn tickets, but the jewelry was never recovered. My mother-in-law always blamed the second wife, never my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law was arrested about a year after this and given an SIS as he went through rehab. We had about 10 peaceful years until, apparently, he relapsed.
My father-in-law has been nothing but generous to our entire families. He works extremely hard and has built a sound financial base which allowed my mother-in-law to stay at home for the past 33 years without working outside the home. He bought my brother-in-law's house when it was about to go into foreclosure due to non-payment (and after my brother-in-law had taken out a second mortgage). He also paid off at least two, if not three, pay-day car title loans, preventing their high school-aged children from having their cars repossessed. My brother-in-law and his "wife" have been quite unappreciative of this, demanding only their "equity" in the house when it was sold. Of course, there was no equity to speak of...but he has convinced my mother-in-law that my father-in-law has been withholding money from him that is rightfully his. They are always asking for assets to be deeded over to them, accusing my father-in-law for not making good on payments to the (for what, I do not know), and trying quick-money schemes constantly.
My question is: Other than making sure there is little opportunity for my mother-in-law to be left alone and be a victim to my brother-in-law's manipulations, what else can my husband and I do? My husband is nearly the polar opposite of his brother...job in law enforcement, worked steadily for 33 years, retired with full pension, and I have retired with full pension and now work at a second full time job). I know that the time is quickly approaching when my mother-in-law will not be competent to enter into contracts. But in the meantime, besides the pressure of living someone with Alzheimer's Disease, my brother-in-law is creating a great deal of marital pressure between my in-laws as my mother-in-law is suspicious of my father-in-law and trusts my brother-in-law implicitly. We live an hour away, so it is difficult, but not impossible, to make sure someone is around. But has someone else experienced this?