I assist my mom, my dad passed away a year ago after I assisted them both. I am stressed out 24/7. Anyone relate?


I'm trying to make sure that she is happy. Anytime I try and take some time to do anything for myself, I feel so guilty. I am fighting depression and have stopped taking care of myself like I use to. I have no regrets as I believe honouring my parents is what God tells us to do. I love my mom and she is a very pleasant and sweet lady. I just cannot figure out how to regain some of myself without taking from her. I love so there will be no regrets. I am just trying to find balance. Trying to keep her busy doesn't leave me much time. So I am awake til late in the morning just trying to relax from my day, so I am always tired. I am not complaining, I am blessed to have her and have had my dad and the opportunity to assist them to live their lives. My whole life changed about 4 years ago, but I still cant figure it out. But I am just searching for balance. Anyone relate? Anyone have experience with this.

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My MD says to take care of "Me" too. I have an agency come in 3 times a week now but it is expensive. My dad can't move into an assisted living because of his health and my mom is his "caregiver" She doesn't realize that I'm her caregiver, ergo his caregiver too. My husband and I have discussed the idea of moving into their home and renting ours out to offset some of our expenses and so I won't have two households to maintain. Both my sisters live out of town and can't physically help out but I do wish they would send some money to help out. They don't realize how draining it is emotionally and financially,

I, too, don't sleep much and haven't quite figured this issue out. They both nap after lunch and I try to rest then, but there is always laundry, cooking, vacuuming, errands, etc to do when I have these hours alone. My husband will be retiring in a few years so he will be able to help more then, but for now I just do what I have to do to make everyone's lives as happy and healthy as possible.

I don't know if this was helpful but you are not alone in this.
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Be grateful she is a pleasant & sweet lady ...& not cursed w dementia...then every thing becomes a battle...an uncooperative evil, angry, cursing creature
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Isthisrealyreal would love the fellowship. Scrolled down didnt see start discussion.
Thank all you for your input.
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I was wondering if you wanted to start a discussion on this. I just found where you do that, on the questions and discussion tab keep scrolling down and you will see "Start a new discussion " I would love to have fellowship with other believers about caregiving and taking care of ones self.
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Yes, God's word says "Honor thy Father and thy Mother"

How does that translate to give up your life to there lives, Honor is often misunderstood and used as a manipulation tool. I understand it to mean Respect your parents. That makes the balance easier. Your mom has her own life and you have yours. You can not be someone else's Peace, Joy or Salvation. You know this, so stop trying to be those for her. I believe the best way to Honor our parents is to be a well adjusted, God fearing, individual. If your mom thinks differently ask her to show you in God's word where He says, no life for you, you live hers and then she dies and you...you what?

Not trying to be offensive, I have personally dealt with the accusations of, "I thought you were suppose to be a good Christian. " my response is, " Even Jesus said "why callest thou me good, there is none good but one, God." I do not use that for me to do as I please, I use it to stop others from using my belief to use me and walk all over me, because they some how think that is what Christians do, put up with or are for. Not sure which, I try to exit as soon as possible, no sense in getting into a scriptural debate with that attitude.

I pray that you seek God's word for answers and that you find balance. We are told to "Love thy neighbor as thy self" if God did not want you to care for you, He would not have spoken these words. God Bless You and your Mom during this time of trial, remember "All things are possible to them that believe!"
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Dear smeshque,

I hear you. From what you wrote I know you are very dutiful, loving and caring daughter. I know its a lot easier said than done but based on what you are saying it is time to have some boundaries and possibly alternate care arrangements for your beloved mom. Please do not feel guilty for caring about yourself and having your own life. You are human. You have a right to honor your own needs and wants.

I grew up in a culture where children honor their parents by being at their beck and call and there is no pushback. I don't think this is healthy anymore. I had a lot of anger and resentment about my role in my family.

I hope you can find the right balance for yourself. Thinking of you.
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What are your mother's impairments that she needs a caregiver?

What kind of help are you providing?

Are you living with her?

What is her financial situation? The edge of poverty, comfortable, well off?

Knowing this background will help us give specific suggestions. Your goal for balance is excellent.
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I love both my parents too but taking care of them for me meant placing them in a care facility. It was overwhelming befor that and like you I felt my life was disappearing. You CAN honey your parents by making sure they get the best care possible some times we can do it at home alone and sometimes the best care is with professionals. I placed both my parents and although they don’t like it I also know I couldn’t provide the care they really needed.
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