
She can still drive me to school at least until I get a car (but barely can get in) yet she can’t even properly bathe herself. How can I convince her not to go to a nursing home, but to hire someone who I know?
She is open to the idea of hiring but not someone who knows her personally. I know she understands that she needs help regardless of who it is, but can’t get help over this fear of being seen. Any advice?
Whether you're a minor or not, you shouldn't take on the responsibility of caregiving an elderly person. At this time of your life, you should concentrate on getting an education, learning to support yourself, and being with friends. Grandma's lack of planning for her old age care doesn't mean you're it!
Please contact agencies that help elders find care. A social worker may be able to help both of you, and that's where you'd find one. Perhaps your school counselor could help. Where are your parents? Why aren't they looking after both of you? I'm very sorry for your situation, but you need to get adults involved and stop listening to grandma. She may have mental issues that could be treated so she can get over her fears.
Good luck, and please let us know how you are doing as you navigate this problem.
If she can "barely get in" the car she may not be safe to drive. What happens if she is in an accident (or causes one) and can not get out of the car.
Has she been evaluated for her driving ability?
I understand her not wanting someone that "knows" her to help care for her. But anyone she hires will get to know her so that argument really is not valid. (and if you live in a smaller community it will be difficult finding someone that does not know her or the family.
I will say that a GOOD caregiver, particularly one that is hired through an agency is not supposed to talk about any client to anyone. To do so would be a violation of privacy and most agencies will fire a caregiver for that.
It sounds like your grandma is considering a move to a facility. You say "nursing home" but does she actually need "Skilled Nursing"? or would she do well with Assisted Living so she would get the help she needs when she needs it.
Other than having problems walking what other medical conditions does she have that require a caregiver?
A little more info might help
Oh, dear, this shouldn't be your life!
Grandma needs to have a Power of Attorney (POA) that should be tending to her needs. Is this the alternative to her being placed in assisted living? It sounds like this is what she needs. It's not cruel to get someone the help they need, it's absolutely the right thing to do! You can't stop people from getting older and you need to realize that their safety comes before your emotions. What grandma needs is people her own age and qualified help. Her POA and her should have a joint bank account so they can make sure everything is taken care of financially. Don't take this personally, you are only enabling a situation that you have no control over. You can't save grandma but you can protect her by doing what's best for her. Hand this over to her children and find a way to visit grandma when you can. Yes,even if it means moving back home until you can get on your feet. Grandma will still be your grandma! When you become a caregiver that relationship ends,you don't want to lose that love!
These decisions are your grandmother's to make; you should not be in charge of her care. You should be educating yourself, then working and getting your own place to live. You aren't equipped to make these decisions for your grandmother. She should make them with her children or with her medical team if she needs input.
Hiring an unknown but professional caregiver was the best route for us.
(We found caregivers on Care.com, not through an agency.)
I hope you can figure out what works best for both you and your grandmother.