For the most part it's when the quality of life and/or safety of the individual with the disease needs more care than the family can support (or in-home care from agencies isn't enough). Also, it's necessary to consider the rest of the family and how the person's disease affects everyone. You are still a caregiver when you put someone in a home - make it clear you want to be part of the care team (in a friendly manner - not a distrustful one). There are always individual circumstances to consider, but the general rule is safety and quality of life (for all).
My father is 80yrs old and has Alzheimers. Mom will be 80 and cannot take care of him. We have a nurse in the morning for 2 hrs. She gets him up, washed and fed. He then sits in his chair all day. The four of us kids have to split our time each night to get him out of his chair into the bathroom, wash him, change his diapers and into bed. His backside is starting to breakdown. His is in wet diapers all day. Mom doesn't want him in a nsg home. The VA says they cannot give us anymore help. What can we do? DeeClark
I am now expert but it sounds like you could really use some help. Since there are four of you have you all had a family meeting to discuss the matter with your mother? Is your father still cognative and ca still recognize all of you? Does he communicate at all? Have you contacted these folks - Www.alz.org/flgulfcoast? They have been a wonderful resource for me. Take care my dear! Drop a note if you want to vent!
Good luck. I know it's a hard decision.
Carol