I am 64, retired, and moved in with my 89 year old Mother one year ago. She has had dementia for about 7 years now. I thought I could add quality to her daily life by including her in more activities, engaging her in loving talks etc. She had a day care giver, but stayed alone at night. Mobile with walker. Life alert if she needed something during night. I was the contact and did make trips in middle of the night due to her confusion.
She still has day caregiver and I am with her every night all night and weekends. 24/7 care. Once I moved in, I became aware of how confused she was compared to how I thought she was just by visiting her. The dementia has gotten much worse over the past year. For all the effort we have applied to keep her in her home of 30+ years, she does not believe it is her home and constantly "wants to go home".
She does not believe I am her daughter, just another caregiver, so intimate mother-daughter talks dont happen.
She is getting weaker so outside activites dont happen (except church when she is able) and she is not interested in indoor activities.
Life with Mom didn't happen the way I wanted. I am considering moving Mom to a very nice Memory Care facility in our hometown as I believe Mom will get the specific professional dementia care she needs, while hopefully enjoying community with other residents. As she doesn't recognize her home anymore, I believe keeping her at home is no longer important and is possibly even detrimental to her health and mine. I and family would be regular visitors and she may even get to know me as her daughter again. I feel tremendous guilt, like I have failed her and given up. I would really appreciate your thoughts please.