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Donyah,

Thinking about you. Hope that you are still continuing to move forward in your life. You deserve peace and joy in your life.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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If you dare glance back,
Praise the steps forward,
Thank the broken road.

(A haiku poem by Stephanie Zhong).
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Reply to Beatty
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Donyah,
We care.
Leaving an abusive situation is a good plan.
So sorry this is happening at all, to you, or anyone.

Do not waste a moment's time blaming yourself.

If you cannot plan for your parent's care to be cared for by professionals prior to you leaving, you can call APS (adult protective services).

Godspeed and traveling mercies, Donyah.

You go.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Donyah Sep 27, 2020
Thanks!

I cannot be responsible for their choices toward each other.

If I want to help either/both, I need to establish a separate household.

Donyah
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I hope you will read Boundaries, it’s excellent in helping to establish what you will and won’t allow in your life. Surround yourself with people and activities that bring you encouragement and joy. Let go all that doesn’t. I wish you peace as you move forward
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/shame-460295.htm?orderby=oldest

Oh, Donyah; I remember this discussion now. There is NO way that you should be involved in hands on caregiving.
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NeedHelpWithMom Sep 23, 2020
Just read this link, thanks Barb. Inappropriate touching is NEVER acceptable under any circumstances.

I agree that she should NOT be caring for her mom.
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You don't really give us anything with which to even begin to guess what is happening in this case.
I can only say that if the posts below are any indication (when I try to get your old post I just get something that says "oops, we can't post this page right now", so I haven't a clue) then I say RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. In any case where there has been abuse, and it is suggested below that it WAS abuse, I think the best place to be is 3,000 miles away from that person.
We have in the US a system for those without children to help in their care, without resources. Is it a perfect system? Nope. But it is there. Leave them with the phone numbers they will need to access, tell them Goodbye, and go make yourself a happy, quality life of such goodness that no one will ever need to run away from YOU. Good luck.
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Sendhelp Sep 23, 2020
AlvaDeer,
I entered 'Shame' in the search icon above, then clicked on the closest sounding story, about the third one listed, it was by Donyah.
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"https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/shame-460295.htm"

This is ur July post. So I am assuming you just can't do it. Which is OK. Seems you have some childhood stuff to deal with. Actually, children abused (and it was abuse) by a parent or parents should not be their care givers. You do what you need to do for you.
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Donyah Sep 27, 2020
Thanks.

The main issue is that I cannot control either parent's behavior toward the other.

Donyah
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Donyah, what happened?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Donyah Sep 27, 2020
Barb,

I am focusing on myself. Maybe at some point, I can continue to help either or both of them.

That is for the future to decide.

Donyah
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Looks like you already made your decision.

Are they receiving care only from you? If you like, you can contact Council on Aging and she if she qualifies for assistance.

Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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What specifically do you need advice with? Can't blame you for wanting to leave Arizonia!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PYt0SDnrBE
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Reply to ZippyZee
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Donyah Sep 29, 2020
That is the one good thing about this.

I guess I am looking for any information, at present.

I am dealing with some grief over this. I did not want to separate from them but their arguing got so bad that I told my Dad I would call the police if he hurt her.

There is some history.

Thanks,

D
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