I am torn about putting my mom in a skilled care nursing facility. When is that time?

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My mom is 93 years old. She has dementia and currently does have home attendant care in her home. And for a while I was doing every weekend Friday night and Saturday. After work on Friday I would go pick her up and take her back home to my house. Sunday through Friday I work and by the time Monday came around I was exhausted. My sister would take her on Saturday after I dropped my mom off. Even though it was only Friday night and half of Saturday I was so tired. I have a brother who lives only a few blocks away and he says the responsibility of caring for our mom are the daughters. Because we are the women. Our mom needs care 24/7. Mom is very difficult. My sister and I are doing the best we can. I am stressed and neglected my family. All my life if I am true to myself I have put my mom first over my family. I could write a lot more but it is too exhausting for me.

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" I have a brother who lives only a few blocks away and he says the responsibility of caring for our mom are the daughters. Because we are the women. Our mom needs care 24/7. Mom is very difficult. "

Another member of the #youtoo movement!

This really annoys me. Do you and your sibs stand to inherit anything from your mother? Does brother get the same amount? You and your sister should have been paid by your mother, if you all inherit equally.

How will the SNF be paid for? Is your mother Medicaid-eligible, or will she be private pay?
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Reply to CTTN55
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I read some of your earlier posts. You have given so much to your Mom these past 2+ years and shown her so much love. BUT now, you and your sister are exhausted. Caring for your Mom is not going to get easier it is going to get harder. You need to do what is BEST for YOUR MOM and BEST for YOU. If you and your sister are too exhausted to properly take care of your Mom, then it is time for her to live in a long term care facility. Eventually you or your sister will get sick (due to stress & exhaustion) and will not only be unable to take care of your Mom , but unable to take care of yourself or your families or be unable to work. Does your Mom have caregivers at her house 24/7 or is she alone for a few hours every day? If alone for a few hours, that is another reason to think about having your Mom live in a long term care facility. Spend some time looking at and visiting the facilities in your area before you make a decision. This is not an easy decision to make. Pray for God to guide you to the facility that HE wants your Mom to go and be assured that HE is watching over you and your Mom today and every day. God Bless.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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When you ask "when is it time" it is time. It is a sign of how worn down you are, sis is too. You have done so much, very difficult job. And you have done great, absolutely the best you can. There is nothing to feel the least bit guilty about.

It is time to tend to your own needs and those of your family. That is also part of caring for mom, perhaps the most difficult part, realizing that you just cannot do it any more. Then following through with it and doing something about finding mom the care she needs.
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Reply to gladimhere
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It’s time.


You don’t mention how far along her dementia is, or her other health issues. But aside from the exhaustion and stress you feel, added to by a brother who doesn’t contribute, shuttling your Mom about from house to house could be very confusing for a dementia patient. I have found that they need predictable and familiar surroundings. Even a car ride or trip to my house would confuse Mom, and make her behaviors worse for a day or so. We stopped those trips quickly.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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