I only do what I feel able to do, but I know there was an expectation from mother/family and her friends/neighbours that I would just take it all on, however bad it gets. That's not going to be the case. I was widowed in my early fifties so they think it will 'give me something to do' (despite my job, home and living 150 miles away). I have actually had people tell me that they can find things for me to do to fill all the spare time I'll now have!! That cut like a knife. However it's the knowledge of their ignorant and/or uncaring assumptions that riles me more than some of the tasks! Anyone with me? Why do we do this to adult children? However, this site has saved me from making poor decisions about my future, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I think some people might say that they can find things for you to do because they are jealous that they are still running their life by the calendar and clock.
I have to say I am just as busy now as when I was working full time. It is a different busy but busy never the less.
Always remember "NO" is a complete sentence.
My cousin in Staten Island would call mom and cluck her tongue that she was "put" in Memory Care Assisted Living with advanced dementia, CHF, incontinence and being wheelchair bound and 90% deaf with chronic vertigo and neuropathy. SHE was going to take mom to come live with her in her 3 story home in N.Y. and then life would be grand! Mom would tell me this daily, and I'd tell her to feel free to move in with Barb, when would she be coming to pick mom up? In Colorado. Snicker.
To all the rest of the Armchair Critics who knew better than I did about what mom needed, and dad before he passed away, I didn't take their calls. They did bubkus to help me, the only child, and their opinions were worthless to me.
If you "need something to do", you can go on vacation from all these busybodies trying to keep you occupied! 😊 Don't ever feel beholden to people who do nothing for your loved ones but only have ideas about what YOU need to do!
No, they invite me to neighborhood bunco games. "It'll make you feel better to get out," they say. After I've done paperwork all morning, visited husband at memory care, come home and done laundry, returned xxx phone calls and swept a snake out of the garage, I'm too tired to go out.
Bunco.
How are they working out for those holding them.
I never found that they worked out well at all.
So glad you have the strength and spine to ignore them.
As to why do WE do this to grown children?
I am 82. I would no more allow my children to hop onto my burning funeral pyre than the man in the moon. NO WAY I would allow them to waste their single lives on that.