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needtowashhair: I'm sure, no pun intended...about "...more flushing out with details..." LOL.
FreqFlyer...I'm trying to grasp what you're saying...that for every birthday after age 90 you lose 10 years of your abilities?
Every person is different...and their families and their level of ability to provide care is different...while there are many similarities, we should be careful not to be quick to generalize and be negative. I have had the pleasure over my 25 years in this business to know that with desire and love, many obstacles can be overcome. Yes, you can turn the dining room into a bedroom. It can become a lovely hotel/apartment type suite with the kitchen access; chests/storage units, hanging racks, can hold clothing. People can live happily ever after...of course yes, older homes are the ones most problematic, typically with the one full bath upstairs...but sometimes people can figure out a it a chair lift to go upstairs, or a bathroom expansion downstairs to add a shower if needed. Many people sleep on recliners...quite comfortably, if that's what they want. It can, at times, feel like caregiving becomes another job, and FF I know what you mean about those blasted waiting rooms. I have said, multiple times that it is a good thing I love dad's eye MD because otherwise if I endured one more refraction, I am going to scream. I think my advice would be to think about this, consider the issues, how you will deal with them, if you want to deal with them, what resources are available, can Dad help with the expense of renovations? Do you get along well enough to live together? Will you have some space to get away from it all?
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Was that a Freudian pun, need? 😀 - Fleshing out with a bit more info, I mean.

CGK, if you have any kind of toilet facilities downstairs you could find out about converting them into a wet room, perhaps? The costs may not be as frightening as you'd think.
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If the bathroom is upstairs and he's downstairs, I would worry more about him going to the bathroom than taking a shower.

Your question needs a lot more flushing out with details. Is he a fit 90 year old that can still run a marathon or is he wheel chair bound? Without those details then how can anyone give you a worthwhile answer?
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Katie, if you call your local area Agency on Aging, or if you have the service, dial 211 which is the United Way helpline. Someone can be sent to your home to evaluate it and tell you how it can be made accessible. Home medical equipment companies can install grab bars and other equipment. It’s expensive but Medicare may kick in some money.
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Temporary solution - if you do go ahead and have dad live with you. :)
A large bowl, in the kitchen, with a non-slip mat in it. You can get a shower adaptor for hair washing, which can be used to wash him down.

Will he be doing this himself?
If so, the a large, waterproof sheet placed under the bowl BUT be careful he does not slip on that. A screen to put up for his dignity.

If you will be assisting him with that, then it is easier.

I hope you have a downstairs toilet? You will need one.

Saying all that, gdaughter suggested
...Is it possible to reverse the living space so that the primary hub of the house is upstairs, .....

Move the kitchen up stairs.

Good luck
Lots to think about. :)
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Katie, there's a simple answer to bathing; it doesn't have to be a shower, and older people aren't that comfortable with immersion showers anyway. In addition, you need a shower chair plus grab bars to make showering safe.

Use no rinse shampoo and soap. Rehab facilities use that regularly. It's a lot safer.

It's interesting how important showering has become, in and of itself as well as a factor in elder care hygiene. When my mother was a child, they used big round tubs and sat in them while someone poured water over them. I don't know what my father did; they didn't have indoor bathrooms on farms.
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Katie, to add to my earlier post... when a person is in their 90's, each birthday adds another 10 years on to their ability to do things. Their life can change over night and it did.

My Dad had a heart attack and he couldn't do stairs for quite some time. He slept in his recliner and Mom slept on the sofa. They were in their 90's. Rehab was a long road. Thank goodness there was a powder room on the main level. Mom had to go up and down the stairs to get clothes for Dad. Dad had to stop driving, they had to give up their decades long volunteer work, no more 2 mile walk they use to do come rain or shine.

Every year more and more doctor appointments to a point where if I sat in one more waiting room I wanted to scream. I gave up all of my own doctor appointments for years. I know, not a good idea.

I was still working in my career, and now doing logistical juggling to help my parents. I felt like I had two full time jobs. Lot of sleepless nights, and exhausting work days.

Once my Mom passed, Dad sold his house and took the equity to move into Independent Living complex. He loved it there. Said he wished he could have moved there earlier but knew my Mom would veto that idea. He was now around people from his own age group to which he said "lot of new ears to hear all his stories" :))
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Dear Katie,

It is good of you to care for your dad and think of the logistics. We lived in a two story house and I ended up installing a chair lift to the second floor bathroom. And I also installed many grab bars and had a plastic chair for him to sit in the tub.

Given his age I think DeeAnna has made many good points. I honestly wished I had read it myself before I let my dad come after the stroke.

I did the best I could but I still think sometimes that living at home maybe wasn't the best way to prolong his life.

I hope you can find the help he needs.
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Gosh asked a simple question and some of these people were down your throat and in your ears...okay, some of their concerns are valid considerations...but who says your dad is going to definitely have some of the issues mentioned here...maybe he's one of the greatest generation who keeps going and going! Stairs can be exercise. Can he truly NOT do the stairs? Then some of the other questions are relevant...and the answers too...if you really want to do this, then you may need to consider a bathroom renovation and perhaps the VA can help. Perhaps less expensive might be to rent or buy a stair lift chair. Is it possible to reverse the living space so that the primary hub of the house is upstairs, where he would spend most of the time and have easy access to his bedroom and bathroom? Would another home you both could share be feasible? I think you're great for doing what you are.
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Katie, another thing to remember, sometimes when a parent moves in with you, or you with the parent, the adult/child dynamic may appear.

This is a situation where the parent still sees you as being a teenager or young adult, thus they go into the parent mode of showing you how to do things, asking you where you are going, who are you seeing, what time will you be home, why are you doing such and such this way instead of that way.

This tends to happen more so when a Mom moves in, but could still happen when a Dad moves in, too. If you find yourself in that situation, best to just play along instead of arguing with a parent.

I also found these articles:
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Dear caregiverkatie, worrying about how your Dad will take a shower is the least of your problems. Your 90 year old Dad has mobility problems--as he gets older, your Dad will develop mental, emotional and psychological problems if he hasn't already.

Here are some questions that you need to consider BEFORE you move your Dad into your house:
Is your home currently handicap accessible? NO, because the bathroom is on the second floor. You will have to renovate and put a bathroom on the first floor. Is there a bedroom on the first floor where your Dad can sleep? Does your Dad need a hospital bed rented from a medical supply company to sleep in? Is there a ramp to the front door of your house since your Dad can't climb stairs? Are the doorways and halls wide enough for a wheel chair or a walker to get through safely? Do you have carpet or hardwood floors or tile? What obstacles are on the floor that your Dad might trip over while walking around your house?

How much assistance does your Dad currently need to complete his ADLs (Activities of Daily Living, such as getting dressed, bathing, feeding oneself, walking, etc.) and Ancillary or Independent Activities of Daily Living--IDLs (such as writing checks, paying bills, shopping, making decisions)? If he need physical assistance, are you strong enough to be able to transfer your Dad from a chair to a bed or toilet by yourself?

Are you prepared to give 24hours/7 days a week/365 days a year concentrating on your Dad's needs and wants and rarely being able to spend any time on your own needs and wants (unless your Dad gives you permission to do so and if his health is such that you can leave him alone for a few hours)? Are you prepared to sleep with one eye and one ear open are all times? Are you prepared to sleep on the first floor (on an air mattress or on the couch) because you need to help your Dad to the bathroom (that you have to build yet) or because your Dad thinks that he hears you calling his name and has been trying to climb the stairs and has fallen? Are you prepared to have your decisions questioned (even after you and your Dad have agreed on the same decision)? Are you prepared to not be able to go on vacation whenever you want to? Or even stay overnight at a friend's house or at a motel while attending a conference meeting? Or to even go to a business meeting out of town?

Do you plan to continue working after your Dad moves in with you? Who will be watching him while you are working? If he needs to move in with you, then he needs someone to stay with him at least part of the day? Does your Dad have money to pay for a caregiver to come in for 4-5 hours at $25/hour?

Please read some of the posts that discuss what other caregivers are going through or have gone through when they moved their parent(s) into their house or when they moved into their parent(s) house. I think that you find that taking care of your Dad in your OWN HOUSE is somewhat different from taking care of him when he lived in his own house or apartment.
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Is your Dad a veteran? If so you might be able to get help through the VA, there are several programs that might help to adapt the house.
Where will he be sleeping?
Do you have a bathroom on the floor where he will be normally?
If there is no bathroom on the first floor how will he get to the toilet?
If there is a bathroom he can use it might be that you will have to enlarge it a bit to make it more accessible for him.
A little more info on the set up would probably get you more helpful answers.
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