Dad is 86 and has always taken care of everything from finances to yard mowing. Very independent. Since brain surgery he cannot drive and he has short term memory loss. He is very capable of taking care of himself such as bathing, cooking, cleaning but he can’t get or keep his medicine straight. I have no help caring for him and I could really use some me time.
Matilda
As those we love get closer to end of life or passed average life expectancy, why is society feel need to constantly administer pharmaceuticals? It only helps the pharmasuital companies.
it is okay and better to pass away naturally, organically after in 80’s and older if with dimentia instead of keeping elderly taking loads of life saving medicines.
It’s difficult for dimentia patients to swallow anything. So administering medicines is extra rough in them. Most don’t want these medicines anymore anyway. It’s still their right to not take all the medicines. So forcing dimentia patients the unpleasantness of having to swallow drugs could be inhumane depending on benefit of the medicine.
2. Why are we all still giving anti-cholesterol, blood pressure, blood thinning, vitamins, anticancer, other meds to keep our dimentia and Alzheimer’s love ones living longer? Think it out logically. These drugs are only making person live longer while they are being tortured by dimentia. Why do doctors,family want to make people live longer to suffer terribly longer? It’s inhumane more and more believe. It is okay to die. It is okay for dementia patient to die naturally, organically. Why do we interfer with this? Because we care and want to help? Yes, but more so, bc we have been indoctrinated to misthink giving medicines always helps.
Why not let nature takes it course and stop the optional drugs? Why are people so afraid of letting love ones die or die naturally? It is selfish of doctors and family when parents have lived long lives yet are tortured now by moderate-severe dimentia.
And why are people so afraid to die? Most elderly people often say, “I just want to go” or similar verbiage as they sit unable to be independent, unable to recall things, unable to be part of active society any longer, unable to have joy and experience life outside a facility or home. It is not depression, it is normal to recognize life has no joy bc of dimentia.
To fill them still with blood thinners, anti-cholesterol meds, anti-cancer meds, and other life sustaining meds, to feed them by hand is not only against many of their Medical POA’s, but is cruel to let them live longer than if they didn’t take these meds as dimentia victims. To keep heart ticking with meds while the mind is beyond safe and cognitive functioning, is not the caregiver’s or doctor’s deciion if it only permits the dimentia to worsen and torture the patient. Obviously, quality of life is more important than length of life.
Example-Those who eat strictly healthy often end up living longer but not better as the mind from DNA pre-existing dimentia gene cannot be eaten or exercised away.
So as kind-hearted caregivers are we doing what is best for our parents by keeping them alive longer with medicines to sustain hearts and other aspects of the body while parent’s brain is severely dimented?
So in your own medical power of attorneys if you don’t want to be tortured by dimentia then write in it to discontinue the gambit of heart, cardiovascular, anti-cancer drugs so you don’t suffer from dementia so long. Many dimentia patients would have passed naturally but for the heart drugs they take. Think about it logically. We need to stop being told it makes one bad person if chose to discontinue life sustaining drugs we are told by uninvolved highly judgmentally, overly moralist persons or doctors who need to cover themselves from liability so keep prescribing life sustain meds to dementia patients which lengthen torture for these patients.
Obviously, people will oppose this who are indoctrinated by decades of medicine-giving is best. Yes, those meds are great if not already suffering from mod to severe dimentia. It’s okay to let death come naturally.
Swnior Centers provide in essence adult day care without calling it that for $3 shuttle ride round trip and $4 for lunch in North San Diego as an example. This gives you a break knowing parent is having positive event and with safe adults.
also try getting him an Amazon Show and some Blink camera. This way you don’t have to be with him to know he’s safe. And you can speak to him through these Blink camera to say hello and provide positive support without being there. We also have a companion four hours a day every so often as just a new person to engage with for a more fulfilling life.
The first one we tried was recommended by my brother's physician. The physician had no information on my Mom other than the fact she was 97 years old. The cost for a week was far less than anything I paid for my daughter's day care, over 10 years ago. They gave her breakfast and lunch and 2 snacks. Each afternoon, they all took naps. They had activities during the day and afternoon. However, she was in much better shape than 3/4 of the people. In addition, most of the participants were female.. About 1/4 of them needed to be fed. The upside was that the center ran on Saturdays. However, there were no activities on Saturdays, but they got a lot of home cooked snacks since the number of people on Saturday was less than 15.
The 2nd one we tried was much. much, much better as the people who attended it were more affluent and active. The mix was about 1/3 male, 2/3 female. This time, most of the people were far more mobile and cognizant than she was. The Activities Director was a male in his late 60s and was the emcee for the day. Everyone loved him. They would run contests on "special" days like Halloween and Christmas, with real prizes, like blankets and purses. They also celebrated nearly every Hallmark Day. It only ran Monday thru Friday and the cost was substantially more than the 1st one. They provided breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks and the food was quite good. The ratio of caregivers to seniors was pretty good. In addition, seniors from their Senior Living area, would volunteer and help out with meals and games. The food was good with large portions. They also requested donations for prizes. Many had dementia. There were one or 2 people who would run for the door, each time the door opened. Another person would take napkins and silverware and put them in her purse, which would be emptied after the last snack was given for the day. Even more people would bring plastic bags and put all their leftover food in the bags. One guy brought his own loaf of bread everyday and munched on it the whole day. There were a few people who needed to be fed.
Both places would give baths or provide dinner for a fee.
My Mom really loved the second place as it was about her memory level. She loved playing hangman and Wheel of Fortune. They also had a Wii so they would play bowling on it. Tic-tac-toe with beanbags was a favorite too.
However, she started complaining that the program was repetitious. It was also about that time that her incontinence was getting worse and her memory lapses were significant. She complained of being bored, however the real truth was that her memory didn't allow her to stay focused.
She loved her time at the 2nd one as it was more "fun". Ironically, the 1st one, gave her more time outside as they tended the garden, took trips, etc.
I highly recommend senior day care. However, I'd go look and visit to ensure that they have activities and food that your Dad would enjoy and that the other participants are neither significantly better or worse, than your Dad.
Check some facilities out and chose the one with the most activities and people that seem to be encouraged to participate. If you're dad loved a game like dominos or cards, find a place that offers those things.
She used to think that she was going to work. They did variety of activities, and including day trips. I thought it was wonderful.
* Every individual using services in a day care is diferent (history, inclinations, medical conditions)
* Every management team and individual worker is different.
It depends on the specific interactions of the daycare team and how your dad may 'take' (resist / enjoy) this new environment / experience. Even if he is shy or resists, it is important to ask management how they integrate (ease in) a new person into their community, then watch them.
I would suggest:
* Talk to the management about your dad (and they will / definitely should ask about him / personal preferences, inclinations) and explain how they operate.
* Sit / observe, watch how staff / management interacts with their clientele.
* First day or two when your dad is there, sit with him and (then) away from him to observe how he is in the group setting; how staff support him (they will definitely show more interest in him with you there although ideally, it will be the same level of support when you are not there).
As well, I applaud you for considering this as it will give you some seriously needed personal time 'off' (space) to yourself. As well, it may stimulate new feelings for your dad being in a new environment surrounded by others engaged in activity.
- They will be able to do so much more for / with him than you can by the fact there are more / different people around with a targeted purpose (whatever activity it is).
* The only way you will know how things go is to try it, encourage him to try it out if he is reluctant. Encouragement / support / active listening go a very long way in these (any) new situation / behavior.
Let us know how it goes.
Gena / Touch Matters
Consider contacting the local council on aging. They provided additional support to help mom stay in her own home - companion care, light housekeeping. Basically, they will assist you by doing things you have trouble getting to. Cost was income based with nominal copay.
praying for you as you continue with the journey of helping your father
and now he is in SNF. Good luck with your decision.
Me Time - If he has VA benefits, ask about respite care. I now get 16 hours a week for someone to come to our home.
Before this benefit kicked in, I was able to get the grants from our Area Council on Aging to help pay someone to come to our home to help. In our area, these were only valid for three months at a time and depending on their funding sometimes could be renewed.
Yes, I have tried the respite program and it is so needed today. I thought I was going to have a lot of back-up help coming from a large family but this is not the case.
Basically, the longer the illness goes on you have to set things up, "what if". I would simply go online, the closer the better. In my case I drove mother one morning a week and picked her up at a neighborhood Adult Day Center.
The 9AM-1PM (continental breakfast, lunch) and physical therapy covered by insurance with a co-pay along with an on-site RN was a big help. This is called a medical model, the nurse is full-time. They paint, plant, bake, all supervised.
The 10AM-2PM time slot mother was exhausted when she came home. She is always tired-fatigued due to the Lewy Body.
At first, I felt like I was dropping off a little kid the first day of school. I simply said, "Mom, I am going to run a few errands, I'll be back at 1PM." That's it, don't make a big deal out of it.
Some facilities have fees on a sliding scale--others, grants. My mother is able to hold a conversation. In all honesty, I think that if my mother attended more than one morning then she would backslide and become non-responsive.
At lunchtime, people who speak will say to my mother, "oh you can speak" and they all sit together like high school. It's sad in all honesty, especially when you learn that some of the attendees had these exciting lives (tennis player, head nurse at a hospital, etc.) before dementia hit.
You need peace of mind so if you want to get your hair done, oil changed on the car, doctor's appointments, you know that every say "Tuesday" you have a 4-hour time slot that is available to you where you father is safe, fed and supervised.
You don't want to rush home if he doesn't pick up the phone or find him on the floor, etc. You want to put the odds in your favor.
In my case, it had to be done, however, where I live it's now flu season. So, I pulled Mom out for the wintertime and possibly will return in May if there is a slot.
An UpWalker Lite depending upon if your father is mobile and good walking shoes that fit since when the elderly lose weight their feet shrink too, I highly recommend. Good shoes are important.
As far as the medications, I took that over the first sign of trouble. I have (2) calendars. (2) pill boxes that lock and I fill the meds once a week and I dispense.
Fortunately, there were no meds that needed to be given during the respite. I did ask the RN to take my mother's blood pressure.
Also, there is a service that some drugstores offer. They package the daily meds but this only works if they are taken at one time and if your father has the executive functioning skills to do this. I would not leave this to chance.
You can't wing this. If he is unable, don't say dad did you take your medication? I would NOT give him access to medications. Too much can go wrong and this could present another set of problems.
Your internet provider can put a sensor on the door, with a camera facing it and should dad leave, you get a text with a video of him going out the door. $20 per month, well worth it. A lifeline button is recommended as well.
I would start dad out with one morning a week respite. My mother became accustomed to it, I needed assurance that nothing would happen to her while I was running errands, but in all honesty, my mother doesn't miss it. It was a necessity for the both of us so I could keep mother home. I told her that...if you want to remain home, then you have to attend one morning per week. You have to keep your ship afloat so that when your loved one is called home to the Lord, you are still standing.
On Sundays' the Eucharistic Minister comes with Communion and a Church Bulletin. They never miss, rain or shine--Christmas Day and Easter. Mother looks forward to it.
Your dad's primary care physician can do an assessment and write orders for P/T for the facility. Sign up for the portal.
https://www.npaonline.org/pace-you/pacefinder-find-pace-program-your-neighborhood
They also will send you a daily bulletin so you can adjust your daily activities according to risk in your area.