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I had been my moms personal Caregiver for over 13 years. She recently passed and I have been the one attempting to make all the decisions while simultaneously grief-stricken. My main question is In visiting the Chatholic Cemetery where her mom, father, brother and nephew are buried I was informed that mom could be entombed with her mother but unfortunately it would have to be cremation, or I could have a traditional casket burial in a different section of the Cemetery. I have been delaying and distressed over the decision. She never verbally expressed what her final wishes were other than to be her family at the same cemetery. I can't seem to get past the buring of her body . I feel it would be nice to have her with her family ,but I just can't seem to get past the horrific thoughts of being burned to ashes. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts .thanks again.

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Lately, it seems that cremation is the way most people prefer to handle the care of their deceased loved ones. We personally did this for my mother and my brother, who died within 12 hours of each other. She died of old age/dementia and he evidently had a blood clot hit his heart. My sil decided to have my brother's ashes interred with my mom's, so we had a very brief family moment at the graveside. This was late in 2020, so we couldn't have had a funeral anyway. It was less expensive, too. The prices one pays funeral homes is ridiculously high--paying for so many different things that they didn't charge for in the past. We had two very nice urns and one of my nephews and his wife chose to have a small piece of jewelry with some of my brother's ashes in it made for themselves. There are many items that funeral homes that do cremation have to help you honor the memory of your loved ones. But, as someone else said....there is no wrong or right way. What you are comfortable with should be the deciding factor.
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Reply to MTNester1
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I would think the funeral is over by now and the decision has been made.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'm so sorry for your loss and this challenging decision you are facing.

I'm not Catholic but buried Mom in the family section of the cemetery. She was with her Mom, her Dad, and two brothers. It gave me peace that they were all together. I would have been okay burying her ashes only in order to keep her with the family.

Thinking of you during this challenging time.
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Reply to brandee
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You could speak to your religious leader for clairity.

I have a story for you. My family is Catholic. My mom, dad, and mom's single sister and brother purchased a 4 plot in 1990. As time passed, the last 3 indicated they were OK with cremation. All 4, being children of the great depression remained frugal all their lives. It was no surprise that the 2 sisters invited my brother and I to join them in their plot because they would have the space. My brother passed early in life and I cremated and buried him there. I miss them all as all of my immediate family from my birth. However the only 2 decendents who are my grandkids, will ask to visit the family plot when we travel to my old state. They briefly knew 3 of them in their young lives.
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Reply to MACinCT
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One thing to consider if you elect cremation is that you can keep Mom’s ashes with you in your household and later have her ashes entombed with you, if desired.
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Reply to Ricky6
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I know that cremation is increasingly common, but I too have an aversion to the idea of burning the body and share your feelings. Yes, itt may not be rational but sometimes you just need to accept that certain things would be too traumatic, and go with the alternative. So just go ahead and have her buried in a casket in a separate part of the cemetery. Then it will be over with and you can move forward with your life in peace. Your mother would not want you agonizing over this decision.
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Reply to MG8522
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There is an option called hydro cremation, which is basically a sped up decomposition process to break down a body. It might be an alternative to consider if it is offered in your area. But I think the volume of remains at the end is higher than traditional cremation so ask if she would still qualify to be buried with her family.

Our family seems to be all gravitating towards cremation. It's easier on everyone, and frankly, the embalming process is to me, more violent. I know that you can choose a closed casket but in some states embalming is required unless you work with a funeral home that specifically does all natural burials.

I just want to make it easy on my family after I'm gone. My parents pre-paid for their cremations to make it unambiguous, and I plan to do the same. There are too many decisions to be made under the stress and grief when a loved one dies. This is a gift I can give them.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Sandra2424 Dec 3, 2025
Aquamation.
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The Bible says dust to dust. Until embalming came along, we all went back to dust. Talk to a Priest. See what he says about cremation.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The thoughts of the eventual disposal of remains that do not represent your Mom in any way, would I imagine be distressful in any case, would it not? For myself the ashes to ashes and dust to dust is preferrable to the slow wasting of body, but we each feel differently about all of this. I think the focus is a way of avoiding what is an awful loss of the person you loved.

I wish you the best and am so sorry for your loss and grief.

I am so sorry for your loss, but to me, I would prefer to see her in the family lot. This is also a more economical way to go. But you may decide differently according to your own wishes. Let yourself be clear in your mind that she never cared, or in 13 years at your side would have let you know.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I would bury her with family. Cremation is done in a very dignified manner and you can opt to have additional small items she loved with her during this process. The easiest reason to accept this manner will be knowing she is with loved ones and that you will be able to visit the whole family in one place.
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Reply to Labs4me
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I'm very sorry for the loss of your Mother.

I understand your quandary but would like to reason a little with you: yes, the thought of burning is very difficult to process, however it is not hell. In a casket, the body will slowly rot. The body returns to a different organic form, but at a much slower rate. My question is: Is it really much different than the end result of cremation?

My Aunts were Catholic. They chose cremation. We ceremoniously interred some of their ashes in the ocean at the FL beach we spent decades enjoying together, and also in one of the gardens of their house that they tended so faithfully, under a new beautiful bush. The rest of their ashes we covertly scattered over the graves of my Grandparents, their parents (because this cemetery did not allow it, but it was a very few ashes, just a symbolic amount).

My Catholic cousin had to bury 2 of her children at different times: one was 7 and the other was 23. They were cremated and interred together in the cemetery. It gives my cousin and her husband great emotional comfort to this day knowing they are together.

I'm thinking that proximity has more meaning since they are together spiritually in the afterlife and physically here on earth. But I don't think there is a "wrong" answer.

May you receive peace in your heart as you mourn her passing and come to a decision.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I’m sorry for your loss of a beloved mother. Remind yourself that your mother wasn’t the physical body she inhabited, she was a soul who’s gone on. Our bodies are not us. Make your decision based on your best judgment of what mom would want and what will most give you peace. I wish you much comfort and healing
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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SkyRunner22 Nov 24, 2025
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. I keep going back and forth. I'm attempting to grive and at the same time stay connected and functional to make her burial decision.
I keep thinking it would be so nice to have ma with her mom and brother, but then I think about the awful cremation process. I know it's just her body , but I feel so traumatized by the thought.
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First, I'm sorry for your loss. One thing you might consider is whether your mother shared your feelings about cremation, and also what you think she would have felt about being part of the family plot, that way the choice becomes hers rather than yours. Perhaps speaking with your priest will help you with this decision.
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Reply to cwillie
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SkyRunner22 Nov 24, 2025
I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond during this difficult time.
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