I am sole caregiver for my 94 yr old father. I moved to his home 700 miles away to care for him. At what point can I make decisions for him?

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His dementia is rapidly progressing. He refused to give up control. I believe nanny cams inside and security cameras outside would be most helpful when I go food shopping. Needless to say he feels that there are people waiting to break in so he stays awake all night and waits for them. That is only one issue I am having. He won't allow anyone to come in and help, and wants to stay in his own home. Any help would be most appreciated.

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I meant to say i believe he thinks I am 10 and can still control my life.
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Well thank you for all your help full advise. Stubborn is an understatement. Won't allow anyone in the house. He is so paranoid that people will break in I thought even security cameras outside would help. I will read the book , he unfortunately doesn't see well. U believe most of my stress is he thinks I am still 10
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I don't see the value in nanny cams while you are away. What if, for example, you see Dad climbing a ladder? Can you rush home in time to prevent a fall? And if you are grocery shopping can you really monitor a nanny cam the entire time?

Many people with dementia do reach a point where they cannot be left alone for even a brief time. I don't know if that is where you father is at, but if he is, I'm not sure security cameras are going to change that. BUT if he would feel more secure and be able to sleep at night, that may be reason to install security cameras -- even fake ones!

I don't think you need a lawyer to tell you that no, you cannot override his decisions he makes for himself, unless he has been found by a court to be incompetent and you have been appointed his guardian. Or if he appointed you POA and the document spells out when you can make decisions for him. A lawyer could advise you on options available.

As 97yroldmom points out, you can always make decisions for yourself. You can decide that you are going to leave the house on errands and for personal breaks and that you insist Father allows someone to stay in the house with him. You can decide that coming to live with him was a mistake. But your best bet for getting him to agree to something he doesn't want to do is persuasion and/or fibbing. Some people have been successful in claiming that the person coming to visit is a friend of a friend having financial difficulties or someone in school needing some in-home-care experience. You are just being generous ___ (fill in the blank -- Christians, Humanists, Muslims, whatever applies to your father) in helping this person out.

My husband would claim he didn't need a babysitter and he could stay home by himself. I responded, "I know that! You've been staying at home on your own forever! But now that you are having memory issues, I'll feel better if there is someone around to watch out for you, just in case you have a bad spell. Please do this for my sake, so I don't worry the whole time I am gone."

If you want to you can minimize the trips you take outside the home. Have groceries delivered. Do most of your shopping online. (It is so fun to have packages delivered -- even if they only contain underwear!) BUT it is still essential that you get away for personal breaks.

If you can find someone who will do light housework and also keep an eye on your father, you can perhaps convince him that this is help for you -- you really don't want to do all the housework on your own. This person would not need to "caregive" your father. Just be there to call 911 and/or you. Use the time for a personal break.

I would like to echo one piece of advice you've already been given: "Read the book 'Being Mortal'. If he still reads ask him to read it too."
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Yes it is unfortunate that we have to wait for a crisis. I’m in year 6 with my folks.  Still waiting.........

In the meantime do as much as he will allow and do as much as you can without his knowledge. I have to be pretty sneaky with my dad or else nothing would get done. There is no shame in fibbing a little to keep elders safe.
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Thank you for your response. It is unfortunate that I have to sit and wait for something bad to happen before I can help him with proper care. There is no reasoning understanding or being rational about anything. You are right he always depended on himself. This disease unfortunately intensifies his demonstrative character and behavior. Thank you
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Laralou,
You can make decisions today for yourself. I state this obvious fact because many times we get involved in care taking and forget that we are doing this (in most cases) because we chose it. It isn't easy. We can choose again.
If he has not been declared incompetent he has the right to make his own decisions.
Lack of sleep isn't helping him. But remember that the decisions he has made over the years must have been pretty good for him. He is 94.
He has probably found in his long life that the person he can trust the most is himself. It's very frightening to realize that as we age others are standing by wanting to take over our lives.
Read the book Being Mortal. If he still reads ask him to read it too.
If your father doesn't want to give you a Power of Attorney to enable you to make decisions for him then you could file for guardianship.
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I was going to consult with the lawyer to see if he has the right to overrule me on any care or decisions. After all he says everything is his. Controlling to say the least. Thank you
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Cameras would be a short term solution at best. You need to get control now one way or the other. Do you have POA?

Your dad is very typical of old stubborn elders.  Everyone wants to stay in their home, I’m fine, go away.......

You need to look at the long game here.  This will get worse pretty quickly. I suggest working from the shadows a little.  Get a handle on his finances.  Look at the future.  Don’t get stuck on trying to convince him that he needs help. He will probably never cooperate or agree with you.

If you provide more details folks on this forum will give you good advice and share experiences. 
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