I am just venting because there is only one answer! Everyday, I think, today will be different. I LOVE my folks with all my heart. I am a nurse, but I am not a caregiver, if that makes sense. Folks with kids say 'you should have kids'. I made the choice not to. At least kids become more independent, not the reverse. I have health issues that limit my sleep to 0 to 2 hours per night. I have no perspective. I see a counselor, have for years. Nothing helps, there is no answer. Each day presents another thing that need to be done for my folks. I feel SOOOO GUILTY that I am not doing enough!! My dad and I just got in a knock down drag out. I know that it is my dad that sits in his recliner, in the attachment that we built on our house for mom and dad. We have help that comes in 2x's a week to shower dad. Mom is getting so frail!!! I am over at their house too many times a day to count. I HATE going over there and seeing them in their declined state. It tears my heart out!! I have 4 siblings. Oldest disowned mom & dad and us 3 yrs ago bcz we asked them to help by having mom & dad over once in awhile. One sis comes from out of town every now and then so we can go to a conference for work etc. Do they not think or care about what is happening with their parents?? I don't get it. I have dreaded the day that my parents die, for as long as I can remember being me. I know that I will not be able to handle it! But I am not handling this. In my mind, there is only one answer. But it would kill them. I think about it constantly. I talk to my counselor about it constantly!! It seems to be the only answer. Everyone in my family knows that I am suicidal and yet, here we are. Placing mom & dad in a home IS NOT AN OPTION!!!! I would run myself more ragged than I am now.
it is interesting that when you are overwhelmed caring for your parents----those dear/best friends that were like family cannot handle it and disappear. That helps a lot. I am at the end of my rope and do not have the energy to tie another knot.
I have no energy to cope and feel like I am being impatient with my folks. They cannot help that their 'earth suits' are giving out. I just cannot stand this pain!!!!!!!!!!!
My friend (who also cared for her parents) just lost her last parent and sent me a text saying, this will not be forever. But I won't be able to handle losing them. So that is not an answer that helps. There is only one answer. Can I do that to them? I know how my story will end, it is a matter of when. This PAIN has got to end!!!!!!!!!!!