Or the man I care for. I moved in 5 yrs ago to help mom and step dad. I worked full time, then part time and then my mom died 4/15/16 and I quit working and took on caregiving and running the house. My stepdad has 5 biological daughters and I’m 1 of 2 of his stepdaughters. Only one of the biological comes to help for 3 weeks every 5-6 weeks. When she’s here I do get a little time to myself but not w/o judgement. I wonder how it’s so easy to make a choice to not help? I wonder if their choice is more intelligent than the one I made? I’ve lost relationships over this. I barely get to see my 4 year old granddaughter. I never go anywhere. I have no life of my own whatsoever. Every thought, decision and move I make is about caregiving. I’m lucky if I make it through a day w/o crying. I miss waking up and only having to think about anyone but me or going to bed whenever I feel like it. I have to force myself to face the day every morning! I promised my mom I would take care of him if she went first and I will but I’m losing everything that matters to me in the process. I never knew how difficult this would become!!! The incontinence, dementia, fear and insanity of it all!!! Feel so overwhelmed and crazy! Lonely too! Everything my parents own is mine when my stepdad dies but to me it’s just another burden I don’t want to deal with!!! I’d rather be having my own life with my own choices! I could go on forever!!! Just needed to vent and I hope I’m not the only one who has felt this way. It feels wrong, selfish and evil to wanna run but that’s how I feel. Wish I could find a way to go back in time and actually enjoy caregiving again! Can anyone do that for me ???
PS
I miss my mommy so much!!
why is this? Why are 6 other children being left nothing?
if you are financial POA you could sell the house and place him in care
And so you will. INDEED you will. This man was precious to your mother who was precious to you.
So... where in that promise does it say that you, yourself, will take on the work of the four to seven people needed to meet your stepfather's level of care?
The four absent bio daughters - are they refusing to participate or has it not even occurred to them?
Step 1. Call the local Area Agency on Aging tomorrow and ask for a "needs assessment". You need a professional assessment of what level of care your step dad needs.
Step 2. Gather information about step dads resources. Pension, SS, CDs, IRAs etc. Figure out what his income stream is. Ask the AAA for help in determining what his eligibility is for public funding like Medicaid.
Step 3. Gather YOUR resources. Resume, financial resources, friends you can stay with temporarily, real estate agency. You need a plan to re-launch yourself and your career.
Step 4. Have a talk with yourself. Have this talk with a therapist if you need to, but get it through to your innermost self that destroying your own life and future security is NOT what your mother asked you to do when she said "take care of stepdad".
She meant "make sure he's cared for, has a place to live and decent medical care". She did NOT mean "impoverish yourself, destroy your future and abandon all hopes and dreams of a normal life".
Your stepfather may need (and be able to afford enough in home care for you to go back to work. Or me may need placement in a skilled nursing facility and require Medicaid funding to fund that. Either way, YOUR job is to manage his care and to advocate for him. You'll have plenty to do, believe me.