I am responsible for both my mom and dad and I am the only one. No one to help me. Any thoughts or suggestions?


I live in a developing country (I am the citizen of this country) My mom (79) has AD and lives in her house with a professional carer. My father (81) is bedridden, has a PEG, a colostomy bag, dementia and lives in a nursing home. I live in my home. I feel like I am taking care of three households all by myself. Even if I am not the "hands on" carer for mom and dad there is constant work like paperwork for insurance to get medical supplies and medicines for dad , mom's doctor appointments, shopping for mom's house, medical supplies for dad's nursing home. Also, I am constantly worried about money. I am paying for both of their expenses. This may go on for years, even for a decade or more! I have depression and anxiety disorder, tachycardia and take a number of medications to control it. I am constantly under immense stress. Unfortunately I am a smoker and I am so stressed I can not quit. I feel that I will die before them. That makes me worried both for them and me. I feel that my life is over. I about to be 50.



Thank you all for your comments. Thank you all for taking the time to write me.
I am also stressed about "dropping dead" thing, thinking what would happen to my poor mom and dead. They are practically babies! The official procedures would too lengthy and inefficient after my death, they would die too, because of the lack of care... I simply have nobody to cover for me according to the low. The low in my country is not so developed to accommodate such detailed cases. Unfortunately... I am trying to take time for myself but I can not take them out of my mind. I have a few really good and old friends. They are all I have got. If I get cancer or something I am planning to transfer my money into their accounts so that they could pay for my parents' expenses for a time, after I am gone. I don't know what else to do.
The fact that both parents needing so much care hit me really hard.
Sending best wishes to all caregivers here.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to missdenwo

Good advice from other posts. You must take care of yourself-for your parents' sake as well as your own! Also, everyone should have a Plan B. What would happen with your parents' care if you were suddenly unable to keep organizing and paying for it? Consult experts in your country and get Plan B lined up. You might find that some of the "Plan B" options are available to you now. Being a dutiful child should not include putting your own health at risk. Doing that won't help anyone in the long run.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Marcia7321

Eyerishlass—A box of kittens certainly lift the lowest spirits! Good idea.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to HolidayEnd

Many people don't realize that when we place a parent in a facility and/or have in-home care for a parent our caregiving doesn't stop. We are still the go-to people for everything plus all of the business-related issues that are so prevalent in our parent's old age. I understand how it must feel like you're caring for 3 households.

It doesn't sound like you're in a position to step away from either of your parents even for a brief period. But you need to take care of yourself. I cared for both of my parents too (their care overlapped a bit until it was just my dad) and I would have laughed in the face of anyone who suggested I take care of myself but there came a point when I just broke down. Fell completely apart. I needed intervention and I needed to not be needed but that wasn't possible.

When we give and give and give and don't replace all of that with something that fills us up emotionally or spiritually we will burn out and get sick. Spend an hour a day with a book. Take a nap. Take a walk. Have lunch with a friend. Every weekend my local pet store offered kittens for sale so I would stock up on dog food and toys and play with those sweet little kittens. I loved it.

Give yourself some attention before the time comes when you need a caregiver.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Eyerishlass

Heck, I am a lifelong non-smoker and I feel like lighting up after reading about all you are doing for your parents! It IS too much for one person. Please, do what Sunnygirl suggests about finding assistance and start taking steps to restore your health as soon as possible.

To be frank, people your (our) age DO sometimes drop dead suddenly. Surely your parents wouldn't want that for you.

Hoping for the best for you and your parents.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to SnoopyLove

Can you consult with a legal professional in your country and find out what the law says and what your obligations are? I'd ask for options. You are right about taking on more than you can bare. It can be too stressful and overwhelming. I'd wonder how one caretaker would be able to care for a dementia patient and a bedbound person by themselves around the clock. I'd try to find out what they qualify for.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Sunnygirl1