Meow, your profile states, "I am caring for my husband Tony, who is 68 years old, living at home with age-related decline, diabetes, and mobility problems."
From this it sounds like he has his mental faculties. Can he make decisions for himself? Can your (or his) doctor to recommend a counselor for you both?
If he has his mental faculties, he needs to support you too. This can’t be a one-way street. You desperately need support. You matter.
Hate is a strong word, and to wish him dead is a whole other ball game. Your husband is only 68 years old according to your profile, so realistically he could live another 30 years. If you are truly that unhappy, then you should see a lawyer about getting a divorce, as you and he deserve better. Life is too short to live in misery, and I am sure that your husband is more than well aware of your disdain towards him, and that's really not fair to him. So do both of you a favor and get your divorce proceedings started ASAP.
Is there more information you would like to offer? I assume you're caring for him because of a disease or disability where he is unable to care for himself or doesn't want to. You posted under burnout instead of a particular medical condition other than diabetes and mobility issues. You despise your husband because of his disease or disability, or because of its demands on you? Or the fact that you have no respite time or time for yourself? Too many years of caring for him? Is your your resentment because of his lack of appreciation of your care for him?
Nothing can be done about his medical condition. Your care has gone way beyond your ability to properly care for him. What have you done to address the situation? Have you hired in home care? Have you sought counseling? Have you looked for a care facility for him? Have you gotten a social worker involved to access his needs? Have you expressed your state of mind to his doctor or yours?
It's obvious you can no longer tolerate this situation. Get the OK from his doctor or social worker to place him in a care facility where he will receive the proper care and you can begin to reclaim your life.
Meow - I understand your resentment. Many people on this forum have similar feelings, too.
If you no longer can endure your situation, you need to leave it.
You can choose to divorce your husband, or you can choose to put him in a nursing home. Either way, he'll be taken care of by someone else, and you can live your own life.
Or if you have the money, hire someone to come and take care of him at home so you don't have to.
Without any specific information about your situation it's hard to make any other suggestion than to leave this situation before someone is harmed. Can you contact someone for help right now?
From this it sounds like he has his mental faculties. Can he make decisions for himself? Can your (or his) doctor to recommend a counselor for you both?
If he has his mental faculties, he needs to support you too. This can’t be a one-way street. You desperately need support. You matter.
How can you change it?
Please Meow321, we need more to go on here.
Nothing can be done about his medical condition. Your care has gone way beyond your ability to properly care for him. What have you done to address the situation? Have you hired in home care? Have you sought counseling? Have you looked for a care facility for him? Have you gotten a social worker involved to access his needs? Have you expressed your state of mind to his doctor or yours?
It's obvious you can no longer tolerate this situation. Get the OK from his doctor or social worker to place him in a care facility where he will receive the proper care and you can begin to reclaim your life.
If you no longer can endure your situation, you need to leave it.
You can choose to divorce your husband, or you can choose to put him in a nursing home. Either way, he'll be taken care of by someone else, and you can live your own life.
Or if you have the money, hire someone to come and take care of him at home so you don't have to.