I am ready for my elderly parent to pass on, do any of you feel the same?

yes, and I'm not even a day-to - day hands on caretaker of dad, as he is in AL. I'm a day to day manager, and I still feel that way as you mention.

Dad tells me regularly, that he just wishes he could die soon, and wishes he could take his own life. Sometimes daily he is telling me this. So, yes, with all the misery, I'm ready for him to pass too. You should not feel like the feeling that you feel is taboo, especially if your LO themselves wishes they could pass.

For me, I'm in my mid 50s still, but if I am in bad shape when older, I hope that advanced directives towards physician assisted end of life/ " suicide" are more advanced and available .....

Two decades is enough. Your mother should go into care.
It is likely that she will find a good many people to chat with about infirmities; my brother used to tease and laugh that this was what they all did out at the Gazebo while they watched the ambulances come and go.

You have to take responsibility for enabling your Mom in her use of you. You needed to make it clear that you have a life. If she has done this two decades then she was 60 when she started. She was, given aging today, quite young at 60. My daughter and son in law, 62/70 respectively are out hiking and traveling.

If she has no friends and makes no activities that is HER problem. NOT YOURS. Stop making yourself responsible for being her caregiver and chief support counsel. You are a daughter, not a caregiver. You aren't responsible for anyone's happiness but your own.

I would suggest seeing a counselor for some help in breaking out of a habitual way of being that isn't helping mom and isn't helping you, either.

I am 81. My daughter lives three states away from me. I would NEVER do this to her. She is now in the best years of her life, free of her children having raised and sent through college. She will soon retire and hubby is already retired. This is her time to have a GREAT LIFE for herself, not to throw her body on top of my funeral pyre. What a waste!

I cared for my parents too. They are both deceased now. It’s the toughest job we will ever experience, regardless of whether we love them or not.

I would say to honor your feelings. You have valid reasons for feeling as you do.

Accept that you are tired of living like this and why on earth wouldn’t you be? Ignore anyone who doesn’t understand how you feel.

Think about it though. Did you know that this would be as difficult as it is before experiencing it for yourself? Probably not. No one can truly understand how much we are affected by caregiving until we experience it firsthand.

Please feel free to vent on this forum anytime you want. We have all vented from time to time.

Don’t push yourself past your limits. Take care of your own physical and mental health. Your needs are equally as important as the person that you are caring for.

Wishing you peace as you continue on your caregiving journey.

And when your LO finally passes on, it is ok to feel more relieved than sad.

My mother is 99, yes, 99 and she is still making everyone's life miserable. It is all me, me, I, I.

Yes, I think it is time for her to move on to what is considered a "better place".

No guilt necessary for any of us, we have done what we can.

My very difficult MIL finally passed about 5 weeks ago. I, personally, had been praying for her miserable life to be over for a solid year before she went.

Am I a horrible person for asking for that? I don't think so. Death is a sweet release, for many people. She had sucked the joy out of every person who was caring for her.

At her funeral, there was no real grief. We were all exhausted (and I didn't do ANYTHING but be a supportive spouse to my DH). It was closure so many of us needed.

In the time since she died, the relief and lifting of all of our spirits has been, well, almost embarrassing. People can and do outlive their 'sell by' date.

My Dh has not shed a tear. Has not said ONCE "I am so sorry mom's gone". B/C that would be a lie.

He's sorry she caused so much pain to so many people. He has some measure of sadness that HE couldn't 'fix' her, and couldn't cure whatever it was that made her so difficult. But missing her? No, he doesn't, and his OB and YS don't feel bad either.

There is a REALLY long post/thread about 'do you wish your LO would die" (something to that effect). Hundreds of posts on that.

You can love your mom but not like her, and be deathly sick and tired of her being such an Energy Vampire. It's exhausting to feel responsible for making a person like this happy, because it will NEVER happen, no matter what lengths you go to trying! So stop trying, that's my suggestion. Pick a day a week to go over there and deal with her, take her shopping, listen to the histrionics, help her with whatever she needs help with, and then get out of there. Set down firm boundaries for yourself about what you will and won't do for her, and scratch yourself off the list for being her entertainment committee. That's up to HER not you. If she wants to stay home all day feeling sorry for herself, alone and bored, so be it. That's HER choice and has nothing to do with you. You let her know YOUR schedule and then stick to it like glue. Sorry, you're just not available in between times. What do you plan to do with yourself, mum?

You're right......mom may live another decade or more and wear YOU out before she wears out. What is YOUR plan to preserve your health and well-being in the meantime? You matter too, don't forget that.

Yes, I’ve been ready for my 95 yo parents to go for a couple of years now. They are dying in tiny bits and pieces.They are wheelchair bound in a SNF. My father has dementia and colon cancer. My mother has heart problems and very bad arthritis and she has always had a miserable personality so it’s never been great being around her. She has a pacemaker so she will probably be lingering a long time unfortunately. I wish it was over and I and my sisters can move on.

I will not be grieving, just will feel tremendous relief to get this boulder off my shoulders. Their indefinite lingering has caused me undue stress.

I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone.

Caregiving would be so much easier if we knew how long we would be doing it. And it seems like the whiners , abusers and b****y ones live long lives.

I find that those OPs on the forum who seem to get thru better caregiving than others are those who use humor and have boundries. You have to set boundaries, I did and didn't even realize it. I still do.

I get overwhelmed if I have too much coming at me. I need order and and cannot deal with chaos. When Mom did not drive anymore, we picked a day and thats when she did her banking, shopping and ran errands. We took her out with us on Friday for dinner. We met 2 other couples at BK. One couple was Moms age so she sat with them. We sat with the other couple.

Its going to be hard at 80 to set boundaries but you can use your age too. "Sorry Mom, but I find now that I am older, working 8 hrs a day and trying to get everything done on weekends is just so tiring I really can't do that for you anymore". Maybe when she starts on all her problems you can say "I know what you mean Mom. I am starting to have those problems too."

Do not enable her or disable her. Ifvshe can make her own lunch, she needs to. Stop trying to make her happy. She will never be happy. Her havingbmo partner or friends is her fault, not yours. You and your sister should not try and fill that void. Maybe split your time up with Mom. Sis has her one week, you the next. That gives u each some breathing space. Look up "gray rock method" Maybe you can use that with Mom, learnbto block her out. Or be honest "Mom I cannot take your moaning and groaning anymore. Its become a bad habit I cannot deal with anymore. If you want to see me, you need to stop. Because everytime you start, I am walking out. We try and nothing makes u happy. So, I am going to stop trying. Because after 20 yrs I finally have realized, your just not a happy person and I can't do anything about that.

My Mom was a handful for about 22 Years . She started with Multiple Operations - a Lot of it was for attention . Then had a major heart attack, Pace maker . Her son Passed Young and she checked Out . Multiple rehabs , Falls , Hospital visits - I couldn't Put My finger On it ? I would see she would check Out occasionally - she slept a Lot But she was able to Pay Bills and looked healthy ? Anyway I took care of her the Last Year of her Life - Visited with her February 2016 she seemed fine and then again May 2016 and was startled by the change as I Knew she was going to die . I always took the stance That she Made the decisions about her life and valued her privacy . I was there for her the Last 9 Months and in a way when they removed her from Life support I felt relieved . Her long Journey was Over and I felt she she felt free and Happy . I Guess the best thing to do is focus On you and your Life - set some goals . Enjoy her while you can because you never Know when they are going to make a U Turn or a nose dive and then you feel suddenly sad . I am sure your Mom appreciates you . My Mom and I had some Laughs in the Nursing home and watched TV together and she still had her sense of humor even with the dementia . You Just have to enjoy the good times because at some Point she won't be there and you will Miss her .