I am POA, health POA, standby conservator/guardian for a close friend. Her children petitioned for conservatorship. Can they win?

You mentioned that her lawyers are involved. My question is, did you actually go to court for conservator and guardianship or its just in writing that in the event that she needs a guardian that she wants it to be you.

No one can tell u how this will turn out. Guardianship is usually needed when the person is found incompetent. Is your friend incompetent? Can she still handle her own finances and care for herself?
I suspect there is money involved here and the children are out to protect it. Making sure they get their share?

Since children are not aware of your standing, maybe thats the first thing the lawyer will do is inform the children's lawyer that Mom has already assigned someone. May not go any further.

There is obviously a back story here about why the children are ‘really mad’ at your friend, ‘have cut off contact’ with her, and also about the divorce. This rings bells about a similar thread where two friends had set up a lesbian relationship, the children disapproved of the new relationship, disagreed with the divorce allegations against their father, and suspected the new friend of wanting mother’s money. If something like this is fairly recent, it would be good to try to delay legal proceedings until it all calms down. In the meantime, perhaps concentrate on keeping your friend and your relationship low key, stable and supportive, so that it is hard to prove that your friend is ‘unfit’ mentally.

Your friend will need a lawyer if this goes to court. Perhaps it might help to arrange a new will that leaves any residuary estate to the children (even if there is not likely to be much left after bequests, medical and care expenses). It makes it much harder for the children to say that you have alienated their mother’s affections through undue influence.

I once had to draft a will for an elderly lady who was very bitter about the relationship her daughter had formed, and was particularly insistent that the will stopped any possibility of her own jewellery ending up with the new partner. There was absolutely nothing of any value, but putting in the appropriate clause seemed to calm her down a great deal. She just needed ‘a win’. This strategy might help.

Agree totally that her relationship with her children is important and valuable. I will continue to counsel her to stay open to them. She's really mad now, but ultimately, it's in all their best interest. I've lost both my parents, and once they're gone, they're gone. No time for petty grudges. I have no interest in fighting these people, except for what my friend has specified as her wants and her attorney's advise. In fact, I never anticipated finding myself in this position and it makes me very uneasy. They will be notified soon and I only hope that they won't go off the cliff. But is they do, time will soften the blow. The will need time to process and heal and hopefully in the near future they can nurture a healthy and rewarding relationship with their mother. I'll certainly work for that as it's what's best for all of them. Thanks for the advice everyone.

I’m unfamiliar with “Standby” Conservator/guardianship but I’m guessing it’s something like DPOA or a way the posters state has for having some say I who gets guardianship for you should you need that and maybe making the process less entailed for everyone including the state. Remember particularly when it comes to mental incapacity states can vary a great deal in the legalities, hoops and process. So assuming it is indeed a method of having a say in who will make decisions for you if you no longer can and your friend was in her right mind and covered all the legal bases it should be fairly hard for her children to override that, not impossible but very difficult. That is as long as they can’t prove or give any back up for accusing you of not caring for her properly or mishandling her funds. I would be very careful about covering all of your bases, keep very good records of where her money is going as well as why you are making any decisions you are birth financially and medically. If she is placed in a facility or assisted living make sure you have trackable support of her physicians, choices, help you pay for etc. if they can’t throw valid looking accusations at you their claim that their mothers legal wishes should be overridden in their favor becomes very weak. I would also urge you to reach out to them, at least keep them informed (and be able to prove you did so) of any medical decisions and issues not just to cover your tracks but because no matter what has happened and what the relationship, they are still her children. Besides shutting them out is only going to serve to infuriate them more so why insist them and make your life (and hers) even harder, at the very least simply send them updates by group text or email, you don’t have to be asking for input just keeping them informed unless you are willing and ready to try being extra generous.

This is a really loving thing you have agreed to do for your friend, she is lucky to have you. Good luck

Right.

This is not a battle between your friend and her children, and the court will not treat it as such. The only issue of interest to the court is your friend's best interests as a potential ward of that court.

The court receives an application for guardianship. The court's first concern is to determine whether the person does or does not require the protection of guardianship. Only if it is determined that she does will the court then consider who is best placed to act as her guardian.

That may be you, since your friend has set out her wishes in proper form, and you can then expect that the children will oppose that choice - which they certainly can do, and you can expect it to get bitchy and expensive; but even so it isn't likely the court would appoint guardians who are manifestly hostile to and angry with the potential ward. Not to say it couldn't happen, but they'd have to be singing a very different tune to be successful.

The court isn't interested in the divorce - it might be interested in the abuse, but it would have to be proven.

To look on the bright side, it could be that the children will go to the trouble and expense of the petition only for the court to decide that your friend's first choice was the correct one after all.

If guardianship is awarded, POAs are redundant. All of the financial and welfare issues will be brought within the guardian's remit. The court won't accept your friend's assignment of responsibilities, but it will consider it as a strong statement of her preferences which will continue to be an important factor in the arrangements to be made.

But in any case, that's the wrong bit to focus on. Looking at the situation as objectively as you can, do you have any reason to doubt your friend's soundness of mind?

Does your friend have a good lawyer of her own?

If the courts find that you are fit and able they do try to honor the wishes of the person that is being argued over.

Stay neutral and make sure that the court understands that you are doing this to protect her and ensure her well being. Don't get into the drama her kids create unless you have proof that they are being dishonest or don't have her best interests at heart.

That's what I thought. But she did put in her Standby Consv/Gurad. that she asks the court not to appoint her husband or children if I am unable to act as Conserv.

Yes, they have filed the petition. But they don't know that she already appointed me as Standby and POA. Her private lawyers are going to defend her.

That's what I thought. But she did put in her Standby Consv/Gurad. that she asks the court not to appoint her husband or children if I am unable to act as Conserv.

They have actually put in the petition, have they? It's not just a threat?

Yes the children can win. But no one here can tell you if they will win. But regardless of the situation, they can win. Again doesn’t mean they will. Also your friend can’t appoint anyone as back up guardian or conservator. Only the court can appoint. She can say she wants it to be you but the court doesn’t have to honor that.