Follow
Share

Dad passed 5 years ago. Mom has been a bit lonely but spent a good bit of time with friends and being very social. She has multiple health issues but generally in her right mind. I am her POA and health advocate. She has met a man and within 5 months let him move in. He has never showed her any affection or said that they were anything more than friends - but she has a crush so twists any kindness into it being his affection for her. He's had prior domestic disputes with ex-wives and had cops called when he had a run-in with a young woman in the neighborhood. She believes all his excuses for cops being called. He has now made it so she's not even really talking to her own children who are trying to look out for her. I know he has broken insurance fraud laws and is not a good person. He seems to be controlling her every thought. Can I get something legal in place to make it so if he calls or comes around her I can have the cops arrest him? I fear he is now using prescription meds to keep her doped up. She doesn't seem to think straight at all. At one point she was clear and all set to leave him and have the locks changed but then she went back and now isn't saying that anymore. he answers her phone. makes excuses why she can't come to the phone. We are desperate to get something done. maybe even arrested for his insurance fraud??

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Call APS.

Get your facts lined up, dates and evidence not just allegations. Mention "coercive control." Mention abuse of medications. Try your best to keep your own emotions out of it, this is a protection issue and APS need facts to work with - especially if your mother is unable to co-operate. And on that last point, stress that you believe she is UNABLE to co-operate, not unwilling.

Where did she encounter this man? Where are you getting your information? Have you already involved the police?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

dmbjewel, many elders get to a point where they are afraid to live alone, so along comes someone who is willing to live with Mom, thus she takes him in and puts up with his lifestyle.... in her mind, he is there in case of an emergency.

I wouldn't be real happy if that had happened to either of my elderly parents.

If you find that Mom is getting late on paying her bills, jump in to help, and slowly start taking over the finances. Have Mom's bills and bank statements sent to your house so Mom doesn't need to see the bills, thus won't be thinking about her money.

Freeze Mom's credit on the 3 well known credit websites. I did that with my parents and it was pretty easy, and there might be a nominal fee for this freeze. I did have to answer some financial questions about my parents but I knew enough to be allowed into the website... I pretended to be my parents.

That freeze was a relief. I knew my folks weren't going to purchase a new house or buy a new car, but you never know what they might do next. That might slow down your own Mom on trying to purchase a new house, as only you have the "code" to unfreeze her credit accounts.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

As a POA you only come into the picture if Mom can no longer make decisions for herself. I would call APS and run what you know by them. They will tell you what you need if you don't have enough info. Your Mom is not the only woman who has had this happen to her. How "elderly" is Mom? I ask this because some posters think 65 is elderly. I would ask APS how you can protect her money.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Private investigator? Uh?

You're focusing on the wrong person. The person to assess is your mother, not this dodgy bloke.

Your mother is at risk because on scant acquaintance she has allowed a controlling man to move into her house. The man is now isolating her from her family. There are also concerns about his treatment of her to the extent that you are anxious about her physical safety as well as her emotional and social wellbeing.

You see, it's not this particular man's track record or predilections we're concerned about - nuts to him, let him vanish wherever. It's your mother's vulnerability in general, and the specific risks that are emerging now. Your next step is to call APS and get advice.

And don't say: "she's generally in her right mind." She has been previously, but not now she isn't. She made what averagely sensible people would consider to be a rash move and allowed this man into her house; and since then, as you say, she doesn't seem to think straight at all and in particular has trouble recollecting facts and events, organising her thoughts and making clear decisions.

What are the multiple health issues, by the way, if it's not too personal a question?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I agree with Countrymouse on both points. APS is the applicable agency to involve, and the more facts/evidence you can gather, the better.

For example, what makes you think prescription drugs are being misused?

Dates and times of when family members were not allowed to talk to Mother on the phone would be good.

Focus on the things you suspect he has done to a vulnerable adult, your mom. The insurance fraud, a dispute with a young girl, his conflict with previous wives, etc all suggest he isn't of good character. But what APS will really be interested in is how he is taking advantage of your mother.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If you move the money open another joint account that requires both signatures for a withdrawal. Make sure you keep the account joint or it may look to APS that you are trying to take advantage of your mother.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

She is on warfarin and has a bleeding stomach. She has to have blood transfusions every 4-6 weeks and has had stomach surgeries due to the bleed. She also has an artificial heart Valve and another is so bad off that no surgeon would fix it. This man is vaping in their tiny apt and now she’s coughing constantly. Now I found out this morning that she’s looking to now buy a slightly bigger place - yet before she wanted him out. I am joint owner on her savings and am wondering if I should move the money out for safe keeping
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My understanding is that the POA can sign/file for a restraining order; however, there will be a hearing and if your mother showed up at the hearing and stated she didn't feel threaten the order would be dropped and you would end up paying the court costs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You found that out from whom? From your mother?

How long ago exactly did VapoMan move in?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Techie, I believe the need for a hearing is dependent on the state. The last time I got a PPO (Personal Protective Order) for my parents, my father and I met with the office at the county building, got the Petition and proposed Order resolved with one of the attorneys staffing that office, then went to the Judge's office and worked with the clerk to get the order signed.

It is a form of injunctive relief b/c it prohibits certain activities and contact. It was an ex-parte order because the individual who was being restrained wasn't required to appear, nor did we want him to!

There's also something known as a TRO, a Temporary Restraining Order, but I've never personally applied for one and don't remember much from when I worked on them for law firms.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.