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My dad is 102 and believe it or not is now starting to forget with some confusion. He can hardly hear which makes things more difficult when trying to talk to him. As I write this its 2am and he just called me to ask why its so dark outside. We live in the same building, so I ran down to talk to him and he still couldn't understand that it was 2 in the morning. I do have help come in 5 days a week for 4 hours. I feel he needs more but he is stubborn and does not want anyone staying all day. I tried to explain that he is stresses me to no end. He yells and tells me to go home but the next day he is calling me to do things for him. I am 66 years old and feel like I have no life. I can't go anywhere because I won't leave him alone for long. My husband who has been very patient with all this , is now losing his patience he wants to go on vacations (we are both recently retired) and I know its not fair to him..I feel like I am being pulled apart ...Help!

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Your Dad is starting to mix up his days and nights. My Mom would do this. She would get up and start dressing herself. I would go down and say "see Mom its dark, not time to get up" she would go back to bed. Even a nap will disorient them. They think its another day.

You have decisions to make. Dad cannot be alone. He needs a good physical and a neurologist. Hopefully you have POA. If Dad is found incompetent to make informed decisions, then the POA kicks in. That is when its what Das needs, not what he wants. If u want to travel, then I suggest an AL. This will give u peace of mind that he is being cared for 24/7. No trying to organize care in the home and then an aide doesn't show up.
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Carol125 Jan 5, 2020
Yes last night he woke me up and asked me why it was so dark outside (it was 2am ) I tired explaining to him that it was the middle of the night, but his lack of hearing really makes that a effort in itself. I do have POA but half of the time he is really lucid..It seems that he is just starting to be disoriented but not all the time. thanks for the advice, at least i don't feel so alone with this situation...
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Another vote for "your dad needs more help than you alone can manage" and "He needs full time care". He no longer gets to dictate what his care is going forward since he no longer understands its impact on you (or him!). May you receive peace in your heart as you make decisions in both of your best interests!
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I don’t see how you can continue to care for him. He needs full time care. Please speak to his doctor as Barb suggested and also ask about speaking to a social worker to help you further with taking the next step in preparing for his care in a facility.

You might even ask about an end of life hospice facility and if palliative care would be an appropriate choice for him.
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Carol, your dad needs more help than you alone can manage. You NEED to be able to go away on vacation (or at least be relieved of having to "manage" dad 24/7.

Does dad get case management services through the Area Agency on Aging? Call his case manager on Monday to discuss dad's increased needs.

Who manages dad's health care? Call his doctor in the AM. Your dad's increased confusion is a "change in mental status" and warrants investigation. It could be a UTI or something else, but find out what's going on medically.
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Carol125 Jan 5, 2020
thank you for you advice. Problem is he has never had real health issues prior to what is happening now..He has a regular PC but no case manager of sorts. We are in NYC and Medicare does not supply any of this ..so I am at wits end trying to figure out how to find a full time care person and a good one. A nursing home is not an option at this time, But I will speak with his doctor and see what he has to say. My sons are more worried about me at this point them him..,I really feel like I'm gonna lose it soon..
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