My mother has alienated all of her children through the course of the last 10 years by being cantankerous, bitter, and negative in all ways. I cannot capture it all here except to state that 2 weeks ago, I got a phone call from her that my mobile log shows lasted only 1 minute 32 seconds: after getting past the greeting and her saying she "could not breathe or speak well" (yet she still chain smokes, even though my father has PAD and has not convinced her to at least smoke outside), she essentially jut insulted me and my husband (whom she has not even met except for one brief meeting of him when I took him to meet my folks 11 years ago before we married...it didn't go well then and so yeah, that's that, but clearly she doensn't even know him). Fast forward then to just a week ago, when my mom called to say dad was in the hospital. That was her first sentence: her second sentence was: "he had better get home soon because he has to take care of me."
I and my sister are complete messes: folks are in Texas, sis lives in Indiana with her family, and I am in North Carolina with my family. Mom is mean and bitter but definitely NOT insane, so nothing can be done to keep her from hurting my dad, so far as I can see, but he is definitely weak and in no way, shape, or form able to just "bounce back" to whatever it is she is wanting to wait on her hand and foot once he is out of the hospital. In the meanwhile, a friend of his (neighbor across the street from them) contacted me today and I was thrilled to talk about the situation: we'd arranged for her to get inside of the home to see what was going on with my mom, and it is a mess: tarry walls and black behind the curtains due to cigarette smoke, and cigarette packs all over the place + constant chain smoking by mom. She will be 79 this year, and my dad will be 77...but honestly I think she is sapping my dad's will to even live...yet as I said, there is not a thing it seems we can do about this.
To be honest, I never imagined being at this point...but here we are. Sadly, my dad's main stresses are about paying the bils and things like that, which he always does but is in the hospital now and due to my mom always poo-pooing anything with regard to emergency and/or end of life type things, he never got around to writing up documents summarizing what is where, granting access to anyone to be able to act on hi behalf, etc.
I am so sorry if this seems out of place...honestly, at least getting to type this all out is the most sanity I've experienced in a week. Thank you for providing this space, and I do hope that I am not unwelcome in this community. <3
I don't even know what to label this post, so maybe you all can help me to learn the ways here. And thank you so much for your time in reading this.