My 96 year old mother lives in my home and we have a caregiver come Monday through Friday to bath and dress her. I take care of weekends and all the rest of the hours during the week for meals, etc. Mom has been with us for 6 years and has no health problems so can live for a lot longer. Anyway, to answer your question, I saw an elder care attorney and he had us draw up a shared expense agreement. In our case we came up with a number she was comfortable with - $600 per month. It would be much more if we actually charged for my time and resources. She now is paying $700 per month of her on accord, although I may have to update the agreement. The shared expense agreement is important for Medicare purposes if you need it in the future. If your mom gives you money is can't look like a gift. My grown son also lives with us, and helps a little, but I'm mostly it for caregiving. It has taken it's toll on me, my life and my marriage. Wish I had made sure we had an in-law suite. If I had it to over again I would have made sure we had separate living areas.
KittySue I have so been trying to find this thread. Right before you do anything you have to some serious thinking. What does housing your Mum actually entail? There are 3 segments to this and they are very very separate and I suspect in the US will mean you need need to make 2or 3 very different declarations to the Taxman - others can help you on that I can't as I live in UK.
First off determine what you are actually including in this domicile offer. From the bits I can gather you could be talking Housing Food, laundry and cleaning services Caring services PLUS accompanying to doctors appointments meds reviews etc which will probably involve use of your car.
Later (or now) you may add on to that personal care (toiletting washing bathing) and you may need equipment to help you or you may need to alter your accommodation to support her disability.
Now I know there are people who say ah yes but it is your mum. Yes it is but why in h*ll's name should you do it all for nothing? If you didn't do your Mum would have to pay someone and as you're the only sibling doing it tell the rest of them to come and sit awhile and then give them the list of charges.
This is the rent This is for the food And then this is to support the disability
They cannot argue those costs because this si something you have to do and it will cost you
Then on to care. This is what it will cost you to have professional carers in.... (minimum 20$ an hour) this is what I am proposing.......x$ an hour
This is what the taxi fares will be
OR we can put Mum into care and it will cost XXXXXX$ a month
Your call
Then when you get an agreement draw up a contract and build in respite - you will need it
Do remember that if you are paid you have to declare it and you may have to declare rental income but probably not for the rest
I am fighting for fairness for carers. it is not FAIR FOR ONE PERSON TO DO IT ALL IF THERE ARE OTHERS THAT ARE SITTING BACK AND LETTING THEM
Is this simple room and board or are there caregiver duties as well? There is a huge difference between someone who just needs a little help and oversight and someone who requires help with some or all of their ADLs.
take your total home cost rent/utilities/groceries and divide by the number of people in the house hold. To avoid complaints of financial abuse or denial of Medicaid benefits, you should use a written, witnessed contract.
My sister charged our mother the same amount she was paying for her subsidized apartment. Her total income was $800 a month. If it had been $8,000 that would have been a whole different situation.
I don't have an answer, but an idea. Check out the cost of living in an apt in an independent living facility and I would go from there. I knew someone who charged $1,000 per month but that was a few years ago and in the suggestion of an attorney consult.
We based my mother's "rent" on several factors. One factor was her ability to pay. She brings in almost $8K and month between her retirement, dad's retirement, soc sec, and rent collected on two houses.
Second, we purchased our current home specifically because it has an In-Law suite for her. We were living within our means and our new mortgage payment is significantly higher than our old one.
A third factor that I didn't actually use but could have is "what is a fair market rate for the space" The apartment (fully functioning) could be closed off and rented so it has a market value.
W e charge my mother $800 a month.
In hindsight, I way undervalued this because at the time she moved in, she was way more independent so I didn't figure in the time she takes and the emotional toll on my entire family.
I just found this thread Kittysue. It's just that no on has responded to it yet. I wish that I knew the answer. I don't have any experience with paying or charging someone for their living quarters. I hope that someone who has more information will respond.
First off determine what you are actually including in this domicile offer. From the bits I can gather you could be talking
Housing
Food, laundry and cleaning services
Caring services
PLUS accompanying to doctors appointments meds reviews etc which will probably involve use of your car.
Later (or now) you may add on to that personal care (toiletting washing bathing) and you may need equipment to help you or you may need to alter your accommodation to support her disability.
Now I know there are people who say ah yes but it is your mum. Yes it is but why in h*ll's name should you do it all for nothing? If you didn't do your Mum would have to pay someone and as you're the only sibling doing it tell the rest of them to come and sit awhile and then give them the list of charges.
This is the rent
This is for the food
And then this is to support the disability
They cannot argue those costs because this si something you have to do and it will cost you
Then on to care. This is what it will cost you to have professional carers in.... (minimum 20$ an hour) this is what I am proposing.......x$ an hour
This is what the taxi fares will be
OR we can put Mum into care and it will cost XXXXXX$ a month
Your call
Then when you get an agreement draw up a contract and build in respite - you will need it
Do remember that if you are paid you have to declare it and you may have to declare rental income but probably not for the rest
I am fighting for fairness for carers. it is not FAIR FOR ONE PERSON TO DO IT ALL IF THERE ARE OTHERS THAT ARE SITTING BACK AND LETTING THEM
Second, we purchased our current home specifically because it has an In-Law suite for her. We were living within our means and our new mortgage payment is significantly higher than our old one.
A third factor that I didn't actually use but could have is "what is a fair market rate for the space" The apartment (fully functioning) could be closed off and rented so it has a market value.
W e charge my mother $800 a month.
In hindsight, I way undervalued this because at the time she moved in, she was way more independent so I didn't figure in the time she takes and the emotional toll on my entire family.