My 92 year old mother has been "blue" and "blah" her whole entire LIFE, refusing medication or therapy for it, and making everybody else's life a nightmare as a result.
When I had to move my folks back here in 2011, my mother was 84 at the time. She made herself deathly sick with anxiety because of the move, which she blamed (of course) on my father, and had to be hospitalized with colitis. Twice. Well, her blues and blahs turned into crippling depression where she refused to leave the apartment or eat. I called her doc who immediately prescribed Wellbutrin, which worked a charm. Over the years, the dose has gone up to accommodate her increasing blues and blahs.
Nowadays, she gets herself into terrible moods where she won't get out of bed and where she's sniping more than usual and just generally being a pain. Since she lives in Memory Care, I only have to deal with it over the phone, which is more than enough. She can't be given more anti depressants because she already takes enough to knock out a horse. So I just tell her I hope she feels better and leave her alone to snap out of it. Which she always does IF left alone. Her choice is to stay feeling sorry for herself or join the others in what they're doing.
AlvaDeer always says how old people should be depressed, they're tired and at the end of their lives, etc. I disagree with that notion. There is always something to be grateful for and to be happy about. That's why there are Sweet Little Old Ladies in the world vs. Mean Sniping Blue And Blah Old Ladies. The glass is either half empty or half full, depending on our individual point of view. Life is precious and each day is a gift.
Get your mother in law out of bed and remind her that life is a gift. Then get her doctor involved for a prescription for anti depressants. Then get MIL out there to do some volunteer work at a children's hospital in the cancer ward. There's nothing like giving back to others to get a depressed person out of her own head.
I feel a certain way about personalities. I’d be interested to know your take on it please. I feel that people who were kind and sweet in their younger years for the most part stay kind and sweet.
I feel mean spirited people who thrived on being nasty to others for the most part continue being mean and nasty.
The reason I feel that way is because I have witnessed it many times over and over.
The entire time I spent growing up near my darling grandmother was so very sweet. She was so kind and loving. She remained that way right up to her death.
My husband’s grandma was a horrible woman when he was growing up throughout his life and she was a mean spirited woman until the day she died. My Lord, the woman wrote hate mail from her death bed.
My MIL was the sweetest woman in the world and stayed that way until she died. My father remained sweet.
Plus I think mean spirited people go on to be even more mean spirited.
What do you think? I realize not everyone will agree with me nor do they have to. I am just speaking in general terms. There are always exceptions to the rule.
I do believe that it’s normal to be depressed at certain times in our lives. It’s a huge adjustment for someone to age and lose independence. Some people are able to handle it better outwardly but does anyone know if they suffer privately? Maybe they do. Perfect example of that is Mother Teresa. She only wanted to show the love of Jesus so she hid her depression. I doubt seriously that anyone could have lived her life, being caregiver to the masses and not get ‘down’ sometimes. She actually suffered severe depression. I kind of wish she hadn’t hid her depression. I wouldn’t have thought any less of her. If anything, I would have appreciated her honesty.
I think it’s normal for caregivers to become depressed. I surely did!
Do I understand that Mother Teresa wanted to show only the ‘love’ of Jesus? Sure I do but Jesus showed emotions. People tend to forget that. Or their interpretation is interesting to me.
Yes, as Sweetstuff said, their are antidepressant medications. She may be able to try these but you would need to talk to her doctor about them as they must be prescribed.
I am the one that believes that depression is likely an appropriate response to aging. Have you spoken to her? My father in his mid 90s found it nearly impossible to get out of bed. He told me that he was just so tired. He only wanted to sleep. He only wanted to go now. He said that he would continue to get up for my Mom, and get on the scale for my Mom, but he was so exhausted, and he only wished to sleep with the window open, a gentle breeze and maybe the radio on. They get so tired. I think that we can have no idea. Ask her. Mom, are you tired. Mom, do you feel sad? Is there anything I can do to help? Would you like me to get you anything? Let her talk to you. Let her be honest with you. My conversations sitting on my Dad's bed were some of the most profound of our latter lives together. Lay beside her. Show her some pictures. Talk to her. Let her talk to you. And let her rest. She is tired. There is nothing ahead but rest now. I know it is so hard to believe, but if we live long enough we will get there. Remember when you were a kid and you were in the back seat of a car going home from somewhere and your parents infront with droning comfortable voices while you just kind of half slept? Was there ever anything so relaxing in the world? Let your Mom be there now in the back seat. Tell her stories. Read to her. If she loves the bible read her the Psalms. If she's like me, read her true crime. There comes a time, a season for everything.
First of all, I am sorry that you have to deal with this. Illness and depression can go hand in hand, can’t it? Very often the person suffering does not want to take meds to help their situation which only makes it harder.
Can you or have you discussed if medication would help in her situation?
I don’t see how you could force her to get out of bed. You’re in a tough spot. Do you have outside help so you get a needed break?
When I had to move my folks back here in 2011, my mother was 84 at the time. She made herself deathly sick with anxiety because of the move, which she blamed (of course) on my father, and had to be hospitalized with colitis. Twice. Well, her blues and blahs turned into crippling depression where she refused to leave the apartment or eat. I called her doc who immediately prescribed Wellbutrin, which worked a charm. Over the years, the dose has gone up to accommodate her increasing blues and blahs.
Nowadays, she gets herself into terrible moods where she won't get out of bed and where she's sniping more than usual and just generally being a pain. Since she lives in Memory Care, I only have to deal with it over the phone, which is more than enough. She can't be given more anti depressants because she already takes enough to knock out a horse. So I just tell her I hope she feels better and leave her alone to snap out of it. Which she always does IF left alone. Her choice is to stay feeling sorry for herself or join the others in what they're doing.
AlvaDeer always says how old people should be depressed, they're tired and at the end of their lives, etc. I disagree with that notion. There is always something to be grateful for and to be happy about. That's why there are Sweet Little Old Ladies in the world vs. Mean Sniping Blue And Blah Old Ladies. The glass is either half empty or half full, depending on our individual point of view. Life is precious and each day is a gift.
Get your mother in law out of bed and remind her that life is a gift. Then get her doctor involved for a prescription for anti depressants. Then get MIL out there to do some volunteer work at a children's hospital in the cancer ward. There's nothing like giving back to others to get a depressed person out of her own head.
Best of luck.
I feel mean spirited people who thrived on being nasty to others for the most part continue being mean and nasty.
The reason I feel that way is because I have witnessed it many times over and over.
The entire time I spent growing up near my darling grandmother was so very sweet. She was so kind and loving. She remained that way right up to her death.
My husband’s grandma was a horrible woman when he was growing up throughout his life and she was a mean spirited woman until the day she died. My Lord, the woman wrote hate mail from her death bed.
My MIL was the sweetest woman in the world and stayed that way until she died. My father remained sweet.
Plus I think mean spirited people go on to be even more mean spirited.
What do you think? I realize not everyone will agree with me nor do they have to. I am just speaking in general terms. There are always exceptions to the rule.
I do believe that it’s normal to be depressed at certain times in our lives. It’s a huge adjustment for someone to age and lose independence. Some people are able to handle it better outwardly but does anyone know if they suffer privately? Maybe they do. Perfect example of that is Mother Teresa. She only wanted to show the love of Jesus so she hid her depression. I doubt seriously that anyone could have lived her life, being caregiver to the masses and not get ‘down’ sometimes. She actually suffered severe depression. I kind of wish she hadn’t hid her depression. I wouldn’t have thought any less of her. If anything, I would have appreciated her honesty.
I think it’s normal for caregivers to become depressed. I surely did!
Do I understand that Mother Teresa wanted to show only the ‘love’ of Jesus? Sure I do but Jesus showed emotions. People tend to forget that. Or their interpretation is interesting to me.
Ask her. Mom, are you tired. Mom, do you feel sad? Is there anything I can do to help? Would you like me to get you anything?
Let her talk to you. Let her be honest with you.
My conversations sitting on my Dad's bed were some of the most profound of our latter lives together. Lay beside her. Show her some pictures. Talk to her. Let her talk to you.
And let her rest. She is tired. There is nothing ahead but rest now. I know it is so hard to believe, but if we live long enough we will get there.
Remember when you were a kid and you were in the back seat of a car going home from somewhere and your parents infront with droning comfortable voices while you just kind of half slept? Was there ever anything so relaxing in the world? Let your Mom be there now in the back seat. Tell her stories. Read to her. If she loves the bible read her the Psalms. If she's like me, read her true crime.
There comes a time, a season for everything.
Can you or have you discussed if medication would help in her situation?
I don’t see how you could force her to get out of bed. You’re in a tough spot. Do you have outside help so you get a needed break?