CM, again, excellent insight. Your last paragraph reminded me that caregivers are bullied as well, including from family and so-called friends.
It wasn't until Dad died that I realized how unsettling the bullying was, how much it contributed to feeling as if I could never do enough, or even could characterize it for what it was - accusing me while the bullies were citing liability issues and refusing to offer assistance. I thought they were just meddlers until my mind became more clear and I could analyze more rationally.
Thank you for sharing your own insights and observations.
Thank you, GA - I think it can only be half the solution, but it is a half that often seems to get overlooked (I'm mainly thinking of schools).
We can't go back to telling kids or any other size of victim "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" not least because we know it's just not true! And if you work on the recipient end, you can veer dangerously close to seeming to blame the victim for not "handling" it. But on the other hand, feeling powerless is one of the worst aspects of being bullied so giving people clear steps to take... maybe it'll help. Depends on the skill and determination of the bully, sometimes, alas :(
CM, your last paragraph is an excellent method of handling the situation. Good idea! And the bullies aren't put on the spot, which as you observe, could make them accuse others (and thereby become more defensive themselves).
(I have a lot of work to do today - can I borrow your "thinking cap"? I really need it!)
I am SO glad you're at least aiming to do something about it! Well done you.
Any well-liked and well-respected ministers coming to the facility? It is a pastoral issue, after all, maybe they'd be willing to help you. Even better, if you have a few from different backgrounds who could get together and make a team effort of it.
The trouble is, I bet not one of those residents who are actually the worst offenders would describe him or herself as a bully. So that what you might find is that they start then accusing other people of behaving badly.
What about, tackling it from the other end as well: making it clear to anyone who might ever feel picked on or excluded that this kind of behaviour is not something they should ever have to put up with, and setting out what they can do and who they can talk to if they experience unkindness of any sort.
What does management say? I think they would be the first ones to intervene. I assume you know that this is a forum on which caregivers and experts offer advice, but we can't intervene - I have the impression from the title of your post that you might be looking for hands on assistance.
Even if the AL management doesn't offer good solutions, I think they should be aware of the situation, especially if the bullying becomes physical.
Where does the bullying occur? In someone's room? At activities and/or in common areas?
Can the bullies be separated, or, e.g., served meals in their rooms to keep them away from the other residents? Are there any rounding psychologists who could offer suggestions?
It wasn't until Dad died that I realized how unsettling the bullying was, how much it contributed to feeling as if I could never do enough, or even could characterize it for what it was - accusing me while the bullies were citing liability issues and refusing to offer assistance. I thought they were just meddlers until my mind became more clear and I could analyze more rationally.
Thank you for sharing your own insights and observations.
We can't go back to telling kids or any other size of victim "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" not least because we know it's just not true! And if you work on the recipient end, you can veer dangerously close to seeming to blame the victim for not "handling" it. But on the other hand, feeling powerless is one of the worst aspects of being bullied so giving people clear steps to take... maybe it'll help. Depends on the skill and determination of the bully, sometimes, alas :(
(I have a lot of work to do today - can I borrow your "thinking cap"? I really need it!)
I am SO glad you're at least aiming to do something about it! Well done you.
Any well-liked and well-respected ministers coming to the facility? It is a pastoral issue, after all, maybe they'd be willing to help you. Even better, if you have a few from different backgrounds who could get together and make a team effort of it.
The trouble is, I bet not one of those residents who are actually the worst offenders would describe him or herself as a bully. So that what you might find is that they start then accusing other people of behaving badly.
What about, tackling it from the other end as well: making it clear to anyone who might ever feel picked on or excluded that this kind of behaviour is not something they should ever have to put up with, and setting out what they can do and who they can talk to if they experience unkindness of any sort.
Even if the AL management doesn't offer good solutions, I think they should be aware of the situation, especially if the bullying becomes physical.
Where does the bullying occur? In someone's room? At activities and/or in common areas?
Can the bullies be separated, or, e.g., served meals in their rooms to keep them away from the other residents? Are there any rounding psychologists who could offer suggestions?