I am livid! Any advice?

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I am the primary caregiver to my 93 yo mother with dementia. My husband and I live in her house. I have a brother and a sister that live close by. I do everything for her all day long. Sometimes when she takes her nap, I go to my part of the house and either go on the computer of call a friend. My mother is constantly cursing at me and telling me that I do nothing for her. I know she doesn't know what she is saying, but she tells my sister that I leave her alone all day. ( You see, they convinced me to quit my job 9 months ago and that they will pay me from my inheritance weekly. Stupid me agreed to this. So now they treat me as if I were an employee of theirs.) So now they want to install a nanny cam to see how much time I spend with her. I told them who do you think cooks and feeds her, does her laundry, cleans up after her, etc.?? I am with her all day 24/7. My sister comes over on Saturdays and takes her out to her house for 2 hours. They told me that is my break. During that time I go food shopping so we have food to eat. Some break!!!!!!! Tomorrow I go for a biopsy of my uterus. I had to get my cousin to come and stay with my mother because the other two work and can't take off. I wonder if that will be considered my break for the week??????

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
You have to decide not to be your family’s slave. I don’t know your situation money wise but don’t ever respond to the ‘dangling diamond bracelet’ trick. My father will tell me that he’s going to pay my daughter for all the myriad chores and bowing and being a door mat she does for him and my mom and then conveniently forget. He must have dementia then. He caused her to lose a lucrative job by being out so much because she placates them.

Whatever you do it isn’t enough. There’ll always be one more thing you must do. It’s just obnoxious.

However you do it, force your family to hire someone else. There are better jobs than scullery maid!!!
Top Answer
You don't need this job. You don't deserve this abuse. Give notice and quit. Really.

Paying you out of your inheritance? What kind of deal is that? Your inheritance would be yours whether you did this work or not.

I realize that you and your husband live there. And I assume that in spite of everything you love your mother. If you have reasons for wanting to stick it out, renegotiate the terms of the caregiving contract. It is grossly unfair to you as it stands. See an Elder Law attorney to help you draft a fair and reasonable agreement. Make sure employment taxes are handled appropriately, and that you get Social Security credit for this employment.

Unless you very strongly want to stay, I think the best solution is to resign and move out. Your relationship with Mom may even improve when you are a visitor and not her hands-on caregiver.
I love caring for my dad he and my mom took care of me and my mom died last year and now my poor pop is in a hospital with a blood clot. I just want him home so I can spoil him some more. I love my daddy
Jeanne is absolutely right. Why do you allow yourself to be abused like this? If you have job skills and Hubby works, you could at the least move into a one-bedroom apartment. Then you’d be out and away from these people and they’d be left to their own devices. If they are paying you from your own inheritance they are literally giving you your own money which you would get even if you weren’t caregiving. It’s costing them nothing! When you figure how much home health care costs, they’re getting a real bargain since you also cook and housekeep as well. If I were them I’d carry you around on a satin pillow, not abuse you! Teach them a lesson in humanity and compassion and get the heck out!

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