She has been living alone in her own home since my dad passed 10 years ago, we have tried to get her to move closer with us or move in with us, but my mom is very independent and is not easy to get along with my dad spoiled her, she has become fixated with her poop. She talks about it every minute. Everything is about poop. I have taken her to her doctors, they can't find out what's wrong. Nothing came back in all the tests, yet I found her tonight sticking her fingers up her bummer trying to dig the poop out. I have read and everyone has told her she has to eat, but she doesn’t. It's like she's starving herself. I can't do this. I might sound like a baby, and I have tried everything, and anything included home health nurses, talking to her Drs and keeping her from falling over. I have been trying so hard to get her better, but I am at a loss. I am worried her mind has lost itself or not thinking right. I have tried to get her medicines and give her a new diet. She thinks that the hospital tried to poison her when they gave her the Miralax to drink. Her friend previously took her to the emergency room where they gave her Miralax to drink to help her poop. I had no idea until the lady called and told me they just left the ER. I was down to her as fast as I could. 6 hours drive but I have been here ever since. One day she acts a little better and then 5 minutes later, bam on the poop issues again. I don't know what to do. Please, any info or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My own hypertension is so out of control 217/118 is high even for me. I just want my mom to be ok and get her moved up by us. That’s another thing, there are no independent living facilities by my house, a few in other towns, but either she gets too much money or the place isn't good enough for her. Please help me get this sh**ty situation figured out. I must have some laughter right now. Sorry, just stressed out. Plus, I need to get home, too. All of us are willing to do anything for her if she needs us. Thank you 😊 🙂🙃
But first of all, please get out of your head that you’re willing to do anything as long as she needs you. That is the road to unwellness for YOU.
Mom is a very sick woman and her care is more than you can handle. She isn’t going to be okay. She needs to be in a care facility where she has 24/7 care by professionals.
Right now you’re overwhelmed, which is understandable. Please note: she isn’t a good candidate for independent living. I doubt that assisted living is a high enough level of care for her. What she appears to need is memory care. You need to find one. She doesn’t get to choose it, you do, because her brain is broken. It doesn’t have to be near you.
Please enlist her doctors or a social worker to help you find a place, because as you’ve discovered, it can’t go on like this. And for heaven’s sake, don’t move her in with you! That’s a sure way to be miserable.
Good luck in finding what she needs.
Sounds like Mom is not able to make rational decisions . If you don’t already have POA , then I agree with Geaton and call APS to report a vulnerable elder.
You could also call her local Agency of Aging . They will send a social worker out who will determine if Mom is safe living alone .
If I was you , I would not have mother live with you , your BP is already too high . Your mom’s needs will only increase. Again it sounds like she needs supervision 24/7 . A facility can provide this for Mom while you get to keep your own health .
Why?
"or move in with us"
Why?
When it gets to the point she cannot live alone, she's off to a facility. Not in your home with you.
If you're so determined to ruin your life, there are many faster ways than having an elderly relative move in with you. Have you considered heroin, cocaine, or meth?
Yes, Fawnby ir right. she needs more care and nobody and no place is perfect. Just note that...
If she is on the road to self destruction, then perhaps get her in the ward to watch her, which might make things worse..
Or, stand by and support her in every way you can, and know that you should have no guilt... This is her choice, and talk with her doctor about her and what you think she is doing... Maybe she doesn't know...
excercise is good to get the body moving. Do they have SILVER SNEAKERS workouts near her? Maybe adult daycare. Get someone to escort her to a daily senior activity nearby...
Mind and body need to be stimulated if she can a few hours a week.
Maybe just walk around a library nearby or a park, preferably where the pathways are smooth no bumps so no tripping.
That post has been around, in different forms or forums... but, if you look at the whole picture... WHAT is LIFE? It's a STORY...
A story of someone you love, had to deal with, family, etc... That person is in your life....for whatever reason.. You want to do good by them...I think I failed... I tried, but I fell so short... I tried... I feel guilt... still,,,, and my only sibling now, the other died, said I did not fail... well,... who is there to judge? me.
So here it goes: THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF LIFE... Life happens until it doesn't... I would rather be there to laugh, sing, dance, make my LO feel loved..
Kind of dealing with denial with another LO... doesn't want to address health issues, not yet anyway... and been coughing etc for the last few weeks...
have a friend who needed to go to doctor. Dr. said go to ER... we went, then she refused... The next morning at work, she called... take me to ER.. poor thing.... she was stuck in hospital for 5 days.. her sister finally came and got her out...
YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT YOU CANNOT MAKE HIM DRINK...
Remember that...
STUBBORN OLE MULE :)
I think I just answered my own question...
What should I do with this old battle ax?