Me again. Well, my POA brother emailed my husband and I on Friday that our Mom "expressed her desire to go home." So he authorized it. My mom has broken ribs, is completely blind and has had three urinary tract infections this year, one leading to a kidney infection and hospitalization. My husband and I were caring for her most of the time, including at night, getting up numerous times to help her turn over, take her to the bathroom, get medication, etc.
My usually absent and abusive brother has little knowledge of the care she needs but completely took over, brandishing his power of attorney when she was hospitalized in June and never letting go, even telling my mom's doctors not to discuss her condition or treatment with me.
I told my brother that I would be bringing a new POA document to the rehab center with a notary because Mom was not going to come home without me on her healthcare POA. He did not ask Mom but told me "Mom does not wish to make any changes at this time." My mom told me she would, but then when I told her I was bringing a notary she got scared because of my brother.
She came home Saturday and though my brother said he "has provided for her full in home care" and we were not needed, there is no one staying with her at night and she also has no one wiping her after urinary and bowel movements.
He continues to be verbally abusive (he also has a history of physical abuse), and still has my phone number blocked. I have filed a complaint with the Department on Aging about his abusiveness, his neglect, her inadequate home care and also financial issues which need to be answered, including possible mortgage fraud and definite credit card fraud. Since I told him I was going ahead with legal action to get POA away from him, he is now accusing ME of theft and threats and threatening to report me to police (he's a retired cop) and also report me for fraud based on our mom and I beginning a house refinancing together without his knowledge (again, she is totally competent and doesn't need his permission), in order to help my mom keep her house and close the credit cards he's been using in her name.
I am literally doubled over with stomach pain from stress and just made an appointment with a GI specialist. I am not going to go over to my Mom's and care for her without POA but I can't sit here while she is vulnerable either. I live just one block away, and so me just sitting here feel like I myself am neglecting her!
How do you "walk away" from a toxic, codependent, impossible situation like this when you are physically so close? How can I walk away from my Mom and not be seen as neglectful?
What about if I go to court? Won't I be seen as neglectful if I'm purposely refusing to take care of my mom without POA?