I am having trouble convincing my husband with Alzheimer's that we live in our home. We have been living here 21 years this summer. Advice?

The therapeutic lie does work. My mom kept wanting to go home, and I told her pests were discovered and the entire house was being bombed by pest control. Next of course would be the --well, after the pest company, painting was needed. Next, the rug needing replacement and so on, until she just quit asking.

You will not be able to “convince” him, because his increasingly damaged brain is operating within its OWN TRUTH.

Do what you can to stay with what he is saying in a calm neutral way.

”One of these days I’d like to travel too”.

”It’s too hot (cold-dark-rainy…..) to go out today. Let’s wait until later”.

”They’re away I think. Let’s wait until they call.”

”we’re staying here to take care of the pets (plants, newspapers, garden……)”

Give him peace and comfort and a little hope. He won’t remember details of the conversation. This stage will hopefully have passed in a few weeks.

My 92 year old mom with Alzheimer's lives in memory care. She constantly loops questions of "where is Frank?" Frank is her deceased brother. She thinks my brother is Frank and lives in "Frank's house" which in reality was her childhood home. She never asks about her sister or her other brother, both deceased. Rarely asks about Dad anymore (he passed away several years ago.) Does not always remember her kids, except for me and my brother (the Frank character,) who visit her regularly. Her short term memory is completely gone and her long term memory is getting jumbled now. There is no way she could be living outside memory care.

What is next is that short term memory will continue to be a problem. Longer term memory will last longer, but not forever. He may soon be unable to recognize people, including you. I would like to suggest the book recommended earlier today on this Forum, The 36 Hour Day, one of the best books on a brain beset by dementia anywhere. It is written by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins and is subtitled "A family guide to caring for people who have Alzheimer Disease, other dementias and memory loss". If you are a "believer" (I am not) the book Dementia: Living in the Memories of God by John Swinton is very good and will help with understanding the psychosocial dimensions in dementia.

That is one of the most common issues that folks with Alzheimer's/dementia face and that is wanting to go home. Often time they are referring to their childhood home with their mom and dad where they felt safe and secure, and other times only God knows what home they're talking about.
There's no reasoning or convincing him at this point, so please don't wear yourself out trying. His brain is broken, and will never get better, so it's best just to go along with whatever he says.
And if he now is wandering, it may very well be time to be looking into placing him in a memory care facility, as things will only continue to get worse.
You must now do what is in the best interest of your husband and his safety. I wish you well.

It is impossible to convince someone with Alzheimer's of anything. His poor brain is broken and he just can't make sense of his world anymore. You just need to come up with some vague, canned responses to his questioning. "our house is being painted so we're going to stay here for awhile. Isn't is nice??"

Re his mom, same thing. Do not tell him over and over that his mom is dead. He doesn't need to relive grief. "Your mom is on vacation right now. We'll go see her in a few weeks." Then change the subject. And have that ready too since these conversations will be difficult and repetitive.

If he is wandering, you are now in the territory of needing to put him in a memory care facility that is locked for the resident's safety. That may not be the answer you are hoping for but you really can't keep an eye on him 24/7 to keep him safe.

You must be exhausted and need to take care of yourself as well.