The plane for the flight is early morning with several hour layover. I think I need to place him and get respite care. Has anyone used this and how do you tell the person that he will not be home for a week, and that you will not be able to come to visit, He has been in the hospital numerous times but I have alway been there visiting every day.

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I’m going through the same thing with a first time respite visit to a nearby, surprisingly affordable AL. I just needed a break but I have nowhere Planned to go, so I’m pretty flexible. Several people have suggested that I visit with him the first few days to make sure he’s adjusting alright. I have other folks lined up, on the chance I do go somewhere, to check on him while I’m gone.
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For your own peace of mind, you will want to ensure that he is placed in an AL or LTC facility.
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Think respite care in either a LTC facility or an AL depending upon his needs. As one poster pointed out, can't always rely on 24/7 homecare. At least in a facility, you KNOW there is help 24/7. Do you have a friend or family member willing to visit while you are away?
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If I may comment further,
as wonderful as it would be to stay in his own home, I don't think it's a good idea. I have been a caregiver for a home care company and the reliability of having c/g's 100% guaranteed to show up and stay the whole time can be spotty.
What if the 1st c/g's kids get sick or the other c/g gets a contagious infection like the flu? Often the company does not have replacement c/g's to send. This has happened to me. I've done double shifts because the next c/g couldn't make it. I've also seen the family have to scramble when I had to leave (after 10 hours) and they had no care for their loved one.

IMO, I think it's too risky. Place him in a facility that you KNOW there are 3 shifts of c/g's available.
Just my two pesos.
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I used to take my friend (92) with dementia to Florida with me when he was able to use a walker. I made sure we flew first class. But the last trip (over a year ago) was the most difficult because he couldn’t close the door in the bathroom so I had to stand guard. I explained to the flt attendant his dementia and that he was a WWII veteran and they were very kind. Now he is in the late stages. I go for about a week every few months and I see the decline every time I go. Now he doesn’t even ask when I am coming home. But since I am 6 day a week (1130-630) visitor, I feel it’s ok to get some respite. I hire a care giver for my day off and week off even though he lives in skilled care. Bottom line is you need the week alone probably more than he needs to be with you. So put him in respite care or hire a 24 hr caregiver for the week you are gone. Depending on his stage of dementia whether I would tell him a day before or a couple days before. Either way, even if he is upset, he will get over it and forget about it down the road. So don’t worry and have a good time!
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I am replying as a retired travel agent with 38 years experience. I have been retired for 2 1/2 yrs. I would first call the carrier and have them look at your reservation. I would then explain that your husband has been diagnosed with dementia and the doctor believes it would not be possible for him to endure a trip such as you are planning to take. Believe me, they don't want a passenger with dementia that can not cope with traveling, on one of their planes at 35,000 ft nad has a melt down while flying. Based on my experience they will probably offer you a travel voucher for future use as long as you can provide documentation from his physician that he will no longer be able to travel.
I suggest that anyone who has a spouse or other family member that is has any kind of pre-existing condition to spend a few dollars more and purchase Trip Cancellation Insurance that allows for a refund due to pre-existing conditions. This insurance typically needs to be purchased within 14days of making either a deposit on a future trip or if full payment is required at the time of initial booking. Literally, I've seen people loose as much as $50,000.00 because they thought nothing could ever happen to them. One such couple, was good friends with my family, I could do nothing for them, and they lost it all. One must read the fine print before purchasing travel especially when they them self or someone in their immediate family is ill or has pre-existing conditions. No, it will not provide coverage in most cases in which the patient is diagnosed with any type of cancer.
I hope this information proves valuable to all who may read this. Personally, I was diagnosed with Dementia/Possible Early Onset Alz, 2 1/2 yrs ago.
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Have you priced respite care? In my state it is very expensive. The nursing home that my dad stayed in charges over $520 a day for respite care. If your husband doesn't need medical care but more supervision and meals, a home health agency can provide 24/7 care in the home while you are away. Last time I priced it (2014) it cost approximately $325 a day. You can prepare his favorite meals ahead of time and he can have the comfort of his own home. If you choose this, you need to do a trial run with two caregivers to make sure they are a good fit. One person can't do the whole week; home health agencies often require a maximum of 2 1/2 days of 24/7 care and then they replace the caregiver with another. If this works out, you have something in place in case you need future help for your hubby!
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There are plenty of Assisted Living and Memory Care facilities that you could use for Respite.
You will need to have a Doctors note as well as a TB skin test prior to a facility letting him come in. So you need a bit of lead time to do that. The TB skin tests are pretty easy, if your Doctors office does not do them most of the walk in clinics will do them you have to return 72 hours later to get the skin test read. It is possible depending on the area you live in you might have to have 2 tests done about 1 week apart.

How aware is he of what is going on? Does he know of the wedding? How well does he do around people, noise and confusion?
The reason why I ask is if he is good with confusion, noise and people you could get a lot of help from the airlines and they can make the trip easier for both of you.
If he does not do well and you really would like a get away (and no problem with that it may do BOTH of you good) Explain to him he is going on a vacation and you are going on a "girls get away". The Memory Care of Assisted Living can be just like being in a Hotel, meals, activities, new people. He just may enjoy it.
It is also a great way to see how he will do if you, at some point entertain the thought that he would do better in a memory Care environment.
I took a vacation and had my Husband in a Memory Care facility for respite. He did very well. I worried all through my vacation, as well as the weeks prior that he would become "institutionalized" and I would not be able to bring him home. Well all that worry was for naught!

Call a few facilities and ask if they would do respite, what you need to do and ask for a tour. See if you can arrange a tour around a meal and try one of the meals if you can.

The important thing is
1. Safety. If you do not think it would be safe to make this trip with him you have no option but to place him in respite. (And this is your safety as well as his)
2. You want to not be stressing over this. So if leaving him causes you a Little stress and taking him causes a LOT of stress you have no option but to place him in respite.
3. His comfort and stress. If making this trip will cause a lot of anxiety for him you have no option but to place him in respite.
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Maybe you could skype or FaceTime your husband every day.
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You can refund his ticket and you have to takle situation effectionately so that his feelings are not hurted.
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In addition to the suggestions already posted, there should be a home health care company that could have a CNA or other trained associates keep him company, run errands and do light housekeeping/cook-ing while you're away. Being in his own home might help him feel more comfortable in your absence.
My son-in-law is a home health cna... there are many out there who truly care.
This is another hard decision... I feel you know your husband best and have made the choice that is in his best interest. ... I'm sorry it's gotten to this point. Blessings
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Hi JanPatsy,
Great that you figured out that your husband wouldn't be able to tolerate the trip. It's a lot for those who get confused and scared.

I would go to your local Senior Center and ask if they have the free booklet for Senior Living. There are all sorts of listings from nursing homes, board and care facilities, assisted living, independent living, in-home care, etc.

Or you could google a particular facility that you know of in your area. Ask if they have weekly respite care. If so, arrange to take a tour to see if it's a good fit for your husband. Seek out the activities director to ask how they can keep him involved during the day. Possibly visit the place a couple of times before you leave on your trip. Then he will feel comfortable going in and being there without you. Usually they will gladly arrange a lunch for you both while they give information.

I would NOT mention anything to hubby about your plan until the night before. Too much time to mull over in his mind that you are leaving.
I'd call everyday if you can.

Maybe he'll strike up a friendship with other guys there and, after you're home, you could take him to visit them once in awhile. Good way to ease him into the facility if he ever needed to go.

Hopefully you can get a refund for his ticket. If the airlines refuse, ask about getting a note from his doctor.

Try to enjoy your time away. Remember, it does no good to worry.
Buen viaje!
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