My husband who is 75 not only has severe cognitive impairment he also is a diabetic type 2, has sleep apnea since 1991 and uses CPAP. His OCD is getting worse and he is no longer reasonable and does not trust anyone or anything I tell him. He has very bad arthritis in his back and neck and is using a walker more and more since it is very hard for him to walk due to diabetic neuropathy in both feeth.
We have no family so I am having to do it all!
We have only social security. No savings left!
I have looked into different programs in the Palm Springs area of Southern Ca which is where we live and we do not quality for anything and of course COVID has only made getting help almost impossible.
You are in burnout, not approaching it. Who wouldn't be exhausted - mentally and physically? It's a lot of work and energy to care for someone. Give yourself credit for that.
I know it's hard, but you want to think about putting yourself first and accepting your limitations as a normal human being. I would look into things like adult daycare. Having an aide come to your house so you get a break. Hubby does not need to like or agree to these things. You need to do them for you, not him. At the very least, maybe you can get a cleaning lady and maybe someone to sit with him so you can get out and have a break. I know this only scratches the surface of your needs.
Since you describe his condition as severe, you may be looking at a placement in a nursing home or memory care in the not too distant future. There's only so much one person can do. No one wants to go into this type of care, BUT often for safety and sanity, it does become a necessity. It doesn't mean you don't care.
Good luck.
Whether or not you decide to move forward on it, knowing that you have ONE alternate path may help you to finding a second one.
There ARE options for him, and you need to know about them, for yourself.
I have been his advocate for so many years it is the only reason he has received some of the tests he needs.