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I am disabled myself, but have two younger sisters. My mother lives by herself right now, but if she needs care in the future, I struggle with what to do. I am disabled by painful neuropathy that I have had from the waist down for 5 years. My husband has to do much of the yard and housework and some shopping. I can only stand in one place for about 10 minutes, shop for up to 30 and sitting varies. I have two sisters 9 and 11 years younger and in good health, but I'm afraid of a fight in the future because my sister believes in "fair share" and "taking turns." I already help my mom with things if needed - technology, laundry, light shopping, doctor visits, etc. I am beating myself up mentally because of what might be the future even though I know I can't help because of my own health.

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Thank you so much for your help. I have counseled with my doctor and he has helped by listening and medication to help physically and mentally. Plus I am a spiritual person so that helps me with the pain I bear, too. I have not had much family support and understanding, which has led to my concerns about the possible future. Yet, I feel obligated as the oldest and wanting to help my mother as much as possible in the future. I have pushed myself into a lot of pain over the last 5 years by trying to do what family has wanted. I know what I can't do, but I have trouble staying within my limits when I am pressured.
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You sound like a very giving and caring person, but, I would try to move past feeling bad due to your limitations. We all have them in some way. If your sisters are reasonable, they should see the limits you have due to your health issues and disability. If they can't see that, then, I'm not sure what is wrong with them, but, there are options. If she needs more help one day, either the other sisters will kick in, your mom can pay for it or she can apply for financial assistance. It might help if you mom makes plans now, in case she needs help down the road.
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Um. If I may say so, this is your mother's problem to resolve, you know. Not yours.

Have you had any actual conversations about actual plans with your mother and your sisters?

And in view of how much discomfort your physical disability must cause you, and for so long too, are you getting any support with your mental health?
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