She has accused me of not being truthful and stealing her mom's money. This daughter has had nothing to do with her mom for 20+ years and mom asked me to make sure that her affairs were looked after if she became unable. She now resides in a nursing facility and cannot do it herself. I have had enough of the frustration of dealing with her (daughter). I want to resign as POA. What channels do I need to follow?
Is the woman on Medicaid? If so, she has no money you can steal. Just curious, you said your friends Mom. Where is that friend? Can she/he tell his sister to lay off.
I am still her POA for now. I have just learned that the daughter has reported me to APS as mishandling her money. Since there is an active case with APS, I cannot move her closer to myself and the one son that could visit (it would be within walking distance from his home). I am not worried as I have all bank statements and can account for every cent. I am still torn as to what to do but I am doing everything I can to make sure this woman is cared for, for now. But it is starting to strain my marriage. My husband is furious that this daughter has accused me of stealing from this woman. She has finally met requirements and been approved for Medicaid so that is such a relief.
Unfortunately, it is not unusual for someone not involved in the caregiving, etc. to give advice and try to tell those actually doing the work how to do it soooo much better than is being done. They are ignorant of the facts since they have no first hand experience. Don't let it get to you too much!
if you wish to resign as POA you may want to talk to APS to let them know your friend is a vulnerable person.
You haven’t given us much information about why you are POA and not your friend, but that you have consented to do so says a great deal about your character and organizational capabilities. I hope for her sake that you can see it through and not let the daughter manipulate and bully you into giving it up. Let APS do their job. It will all play out. I am so sorry that absent family members have made your job more difficult. I agree with the other comments to your post. You have no obligation (especially now!) to answer to or communicate with this eldest daughter. Once APS concludes their investigation you can move her to that better location. I imagine APS gets plenty of these bogus complaints, though they still have to investigate.
Your post reminds me of what a nurse told me at my parents’ nursing home when my father was on Hospice, She said she often sees absent relatives come in as the resident is dying, stirring up a fuss and questioning every move the staff, POA, or consistent family member makes. She says one time this guy was ranting and raving about something, and she said, “Excuse me, who are you? I’ve never seen you here or heard from you before.” She said she just couldn’t stop herself.
I would block her number and never speak to her again.
APS will verify that the accusation is false and close the complaint. It's a pain but it actually a good thing for you.
Continue to honor this responsibility and ignore the trouble makers. You have zero obligations to her children.
See All Answers