I am caring for 94 yr old mother. She has a way of saying things that make me want to respond in anger. Any advice?

My trick? Before I fire off like a rocket at my mother, I make myself go in the bathroom and look in the mirror. Then I talk to myself. I remind myself that a few weeks ago she asked if we had penguins on our lake. PENGUINS. Then I ask myself, Are you really going to let someone get to you that’s asking about penguins?

Or I’ll use some other delusional comment or question she’s asked as my example. The point is to remind myself of the absurdity of some of these interactions. For some reason, that calms me down every time. For better or worse, reminding myself that sometime mom is just a crazy old lady (for lack of a better way to put it) REALLY helps.

I GET that; why is it after about 20 minutes in my mom's apt I start thinking of excuses to go home? Could it be the micromanaging? Or the sheer neediness? Or never wanting to talk about anything except her or her cat? I don't want to let it upset me, but can feel it creeping up.... Join the crowd.

Our Mothers sure know how to "push our buttons". I lived with my Mom for 9 years before she went into the nursing home. And I am only now realizing just how much she "pushed my buttons". Your Mom is treating you as the person that she sees you as: Her "Little" Daughter...while you would like to be treated as an Adult Woman and as the Caregiver of your Mother.

Take some deep breathes, do not respond to your Mother's comments in anger. After you take care of your Mom, if you are angry--listen to some music that has a lot of bass sounds or loud beats like drums. If you feel like, do some dance steps or aerobic exercises with the music. Once you have calmed down, then sit down or lay down and listen to soft, soothing music that refreshes your soul.

Yep, I know what you mean.

Probably more in adjustment than burnout, at a guess.

If you were burned out, for example, you wouldn't find the anger remarkable. You'd be furious with everything and everyone; and especially your mother, but you'd find it reasonable.

Having said that, this phase doesn't feel a whole lot more pleasant and I sympathise.

What do you want to do about it?

Do you feel like saying more about how you came to move in with your mother (is it that way round?), what her care needs are, and what if anything you have in the way of support?

Does your mom go to adult day care, a senior Center or have some other kind of social outlet?

Do you have any respite from hanging around with your mom?

It sounds as though you are getting on each other's nerves.