Have to get out. I was told by father in law's wife that if I got shot to pay for my health insurance. I don't know if she has dementia or not, or just mean. I have been there for 4 years when my father in law dies the house is in my father in laws name and my husband's name. I need to know because she is making it hard on me. Need advise

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She calls the woman her FILs wife. Have a feeling she is not husband's mother.

Sorry, I am confused. Is the problem that she said you can't get a job and if you do, your out. Is there a cultural thing in play. Have you talked to husband.
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Dwyla, you are definately in a predicament, but no one can make you do something that you do not wish to do, not even your husband or your in-laws.

It does Not sound as if you MIL has been formally dignosed with Dementia or other Mental Disorder by a Dr, and there are other Medical issues that could be making her act out too!

Has she been seen by her Dr Lately, as a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) can make the elderly act very Squirely, and have all sorts of mentally impared type symptoms too, so that should be the 1st thing she needs to be seen for. UTI symptoms are different and hard to clearly see in the elderly, and are So common due to poor hygiene.

I see where many others here who are much more well informed than I am, reccomend an appointment with GEROPSYCH Dr, to be evaluated for DEMENTIA, which type and what phase, along with other Mental Disorders, to see if there are Medications that could help her (and you) through this difficult phase and process.

Unfortunately, unless it is a simple diagnosis and can be acutely treated, her symptoms are likely to continue to worsen over time, and never actually improve, but there may be medications that can help to calm her.

This is where it will be nessasary to have a family meeting, to determine how you might be able to get additional Caregivers into the house, as well as to determine if and when it would be a good idea to have her placed into Memory Care or Nursing Home. Which is of course a difficult decision, and which does not need to be decided until she has seen her Dr, and other Medications are tried.

I hope and pray that your husband is being supportive, and that you are communicating your concerns and your unhappiness at the current situation. Is there anyone, a family member or a friend whom you can spend a few days with, just to get a break in every now and then? Even an hour or two to recharge your batteries can improve your outlook!

There are also Dementia Support Groups available in most areas, try your local hospitals Education Department or your local area's Agency on Aging, just GOOGLE it along with your Area Code. They can also send someone out to your home to evaluate what resourses might be availabe to you And your MIL, in the way of home help, Meals on Wheels, support groups and such, some are financial based, so you may need income verification.

If your MIL is on MEDICAID, there are sometimes State programs like COPES that actually might pay you to be her Home Caregiver, but there are classes you need to take, and the pay is fairly low, like minimum wage, but still helpful if you have few options regarding home help and you are unable to work outside of the home.

You have definately come to the right Caregivers forum, as there are many wise Caregivers here at the AgingCare website who will Always help you to find resourses on any number of Elderly care topics, plus its a Great place to blow of steam from the long and hectic days of Caregiving! There is the WHAT'S FOR DINNER thread, JOKES thread, THE WHINE thread, where you can bond over your frustrations and complaints, and So Many other threads that are directed just for You the Caregiver to enjoy also!

Remember. Not Everyone is cut out to be a Caregiver, so do Not be Bullied into doing something you do Not wish to do!

Welcome, and I'm sure others will have more suggestjons to guide you on this very difficult yet common situation!
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Dwyla, how did you come to take care of these people? Were you forced into it? Did your husband tell you it was your “duty” to take care of them? Does he help you? What do you mean “if I got shot to pay for my health insurance”?

You say when your father in law dies the house is in his and your husband’s name. And...?? Do you mean you will get nothing? When you say you want “out” do you mean a divorce? Your mother in law is treating you like a servant or worse. You can put an end to it by telling your husband you are going to. Give him a week to make other arrangements and for you to find other living arrangements if necessary. If you don’t speak up for yourself, nothing will change.
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I need to know how to handle her I think she is lost her mind she told me if I get job I had to move out the house this is my father in law and my husband house and does she have dementia or what one day she says this and the next day she act like nothing happened not shot I meant get a job
Helpful Answer (1)
Ahmijoy Feb 2019
There is no way for us to know if she has dementia. But if she treats you so bad it doesn’t really matter. I’ll say it again. Tell your husband you want out, now, and he will have to find someone else to care for them. You can only be used if you let yourself be.
To better help you we need more information. What is it you want advice on? What is your question? She you leave? If so, how? Should you get paid? Why would you be shot??
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