I think that we often think that we are "respecting" our elders by informing them of plans every step of the way.
I found out with my mother, who had vascular dementia that the very opposite was in fact what was most comforting and therefore most respectful of her fragility.
Let me back up; has your mother been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and evaluated for meds for depression, anxiety and agitation?
Have you consulted both with that doctor and with the care facility about the best way to handle this difficult transition? You don't need to a shouldn't have to face this alone. This is YOUR first rodeo; believe me, the facility has seen it all!
I'm told that often the best thing to do is to tell your parent that you are taking her to lunch (which you do, at the facility) and while you are both eating, someone else prepares her room with all of her familiar and favorite things. In some cases, it is advised that you not visit for 2 weeks. I would not have been able to do this with my mom; she was not combative. She trusted us and knew that we were doing what was best for her.
But your situation may differ. Your mom may be further down the road and may need time to adjust to the routine of the facility without the distraction of her past life. Only you can decide that.
But get some professional advice about this. And ((((((((hugs))))))). Let us know how it goes. We've been there. And we care.
I found out with my mother, who had vascular dementia that the very opposite was in fact what was most comforting and therefore most respectful of her fragility.
Let me back up; has your mother been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and evaluated for meds for depression, anxiety and agitation?
Have you consulted both with that doctor and with the care facility about the best way to handle this difficult transition? You don't need to a shouldn't have to face this alone. This is YOUR first rodeo; believe me, the facility has seen it all!
I'm told that often the best thing to do is to tell your parent that you are taking her to lunch (which you do, at the facility) and while you are both eating, someone else prepares her room with all of her familiar and favorite things. In some cases, it is advised that you not visit for 2 weeks. I would not have been able to do this with my mom; she was not combative. She trusted us and knew that we were doing what was best for her.
But your situation may differ. Your mom may be further down the road and may need time to adjust to the routine of the facility without the distraction of her past life. Only you can decide that.
But get some professional advice about this. And ((((((((hugs))))))). Let us know how it goes. We've been there. And we care.