They are concerned that when I become in need they will be called upon to help. They are not so inclined to be available. Recently I have needed surgery that limited me temporarily but have brought to the surface expectations on their part for the future.
Once I am able and independent as before, what arrangements should be made to engage them without requiring their help?
Their philosophy in supporting an aging parent is quite different from mine.
As already suggested, try to make your life easier with services. Independent living facilities that can transition to assisted living may not be the picture you had in mind, but can still provide a very good quality of life if you have the funds.
While having prior maladies in past (back surgeries), I have been totally self-sufficient, not requiring any assistance from them. Indeed, I am financially secure, own my home in SF, and pay in large part for their graduate school, among many other things, which I am glad to do.
It's the sense of disappointment that they do not verbalize an interest or effort. I do not have any unrealistic or unreasonable expectations of them, just a desire and a bit more time with them; not in any way to encroach on their lives.
I suspect a balance of my socializing more (I am an introvert and writer), utilizing the available services if need be, although I will continue to exercise, shop, etc. as before, and redirect my thinking.
Any other thoughts would be appreciated.
Am I unreasonable?
It is your responsibility to plan for your future, without expecting your daughters to provide your care.
Downsize and declutter, you home.
You need to make sure you are living within walking distance or the services you may need, or be prepared to pay for a ride.
Arrange for delivery services of food, medication etc.
My former mil was resistant to shopping delivery, but I flat out refused to take her shopping after she would tell me 'no I do not need anything', then the next day her neighbour calling me to complain that he had to buy her milk and bread and asking why I was not taking her shopping. I told her either she called her sons or signed up for delivery. It took a while, but she has had grocery delivery for 10 years now and loves it.
If you do not cook, arrange for Meals on Wheels or another food delivery service.
How do you engage with them?
Take them out for dinner or lunch.
Get involved in your grandchildren's activities.
Don't spend the time you are together moaning and complaining about what you can or cannot do.
Let them know what you are doing to make it easier for you and them in the future.
Get your paper work in order, Will, POA, Health Care etc.
Ask them how you can help them out?
And yes, I have my paperwork in order, I live near the resources I will need in the future, I am in the process of decluttering, I will modify my home in 10 years to have a fully accessible suite and a rental unit to provide some income, or living space for line in caregivers.
I do not expect my kids to be my caregivers.
Really does my chunk in that anyone who can't look after an elderly relative is automatically bad.