I am 74 and disabled, blind in one eye and need assistance. Now my younger husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Any advice?


As he has been my caretaker since 1992, he does not want to give this up or even share pertinent information with me. We have been living off my large accident settlement but I have no idea about assets, debts of bills, much less what I will have to deal with in the next year. Where do I turn for help?



I was afraid your husband was doing something untoward with your money. Just had a funny feeling. What he is doing, my love, is abusing you. It may not be physical abuse...yet. But it is most definitely emotional, mental and financial abuse. Do you communicate at all with your children? You need to call them and have them come get you even if you leave with only the clothes on your back. Your children may want the police to accompany them. Then call Adult Protective Services when you are safe and have them handle your husband. Have your children hire an attorney for you who can help you appoint one of them as POA. If your husband already has POA, you can remove him. He is stealing from you. He is unstable. He is using you. Are your children aware of any of this? If not, they absolutely must be made aware of what’s going on.

You cannot live the rest of your life in fear of this animal.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Thank you all for your answers. My husband does not use the internet. He has an explosive temper and doesn't like me asking question. He just spent $2000 of new tattoos. My children are afraid of him. The cancer has taken his physical strength but not his temperament. He has become used to spending my annuity on things for himself. We live in the country and I cannot drive or even walk to the nearest neighbor. One called an Elder Abuse Agency for me but I am afraid what he'll do if he finds out. I cannot live alone, cook or even walk without assistance. My children don't live near. Now I'm worried he has mortgaged our home twice and I may owe more than it is worth. He has taken loans on his vehicle. Thank you all for the good advice, I will call the bank and the agency when he is not here.
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Reply to sage248

Have you had an honest, frank, direct and calm discussion with him? Someone has to be the adult in this relationship. My husband always handled the finances. I had no idea what our expenses were. For over 24 years, I lived oblivious to our monthly expenses. Then, in 2003, he had a stroke. In 2013, he had a near fatal heart infection and I was thrust into handling our finances. I had no idea what I was doing. Because of that, we have nearly gone bankrupt. We have signed in with a debt consolidation company and I live my life in fear every day that we will lose the house.

He is doing you no favors by keeping your finances a secret. Take it from me. You need to know so you can plan. You need to plan as well for your own care when he is no longer able. Reassure him that it’s not in any way emasculating for you to be privy to where your own money is going.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

sage, who is your financial Power of Attorney, and medical Power of Attorney? Are you each other's POA? Is there a second name listed on the POA so that in case the first person is unable to perform as Power of Attorney, that the second person jumps in to help?

I realize financial issues can be baffling, so I can understand your concern.

If there are no Power of Attorneys, run, don't walk to your nearest Elder Law Attorney and have such documents drawn up. If neither of you know of a second person to be placed on the POA, ask the Attorney for recommendations. Such as financial matters, a CPA could be your financial POA, but of course, the CPA will be billing for his/her time.
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Reply to freqflyer

Your husband is not being fair to you. He needs to understand that he may not be able to continue managing your finances. Maybe he is in denial. Maybe his doctor will talk with him. They have to tell a patient every possible out come. Not sure who can help since its a personal matter. If u don't have it, you may want to have husband assign you POA in case he cannot handle the finances. Hopefully your accounts are joint. If so the bank can print you off your statements. Also, a list of anything in your name. Maybe other members can help.
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Reply to JoAnn29