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Her stroke was small and she is very functional. As a family of two teenagers we agreed to having our aunt move in with us... it is now becoming stressful for my husband and myself...we feel she is taking advantage of our hospitality and caring for her....

"we feel she is taking advantage of our hospitality and caring for her...."
Well, of course she is. That is what old folks do. It is often like a frog boiling slowly.
She slowly got better and got more comfortable and more demanding.
Nobody really noticed until one day, she went from frail and helpless to bossy and ungrateful, I suspect.

Sit her down and lay out your cards.
"Auntie, I love you, but you are well enough to go home. Your visit here has put a HEAVY STRESS on my marriage, therefore you must go. No hard feelings but my marriage comes FIRST."
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Reply to XenaJada
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Be firm. Everything you (and hubby) do and say needs to be toward the goal of getting aunt into another living situation.

Back to her own home (if she still has it) with appropriate in-home care. If aunt no longer has her own residence to return to, put her on the list for every senior-citizen complex in your county. Most of them are income-graded, so don’t sweat the price tag. Or AL or CCRC, if aunt’s funds allow.

More importantly, don’t let aunt manipulate you with self-pitying talk or meaninglessness negotiation. Be very wary of this. I’m sure you genuinely care about her. But she fooled you once (putting her real or false needs ahead of your family’s), and she’ll do it again — if you allow her.

Find a way to be firm but not mean, and kept it all moving forward. Out the door is the goal. Do not settle for anything else.

Be sure to explore every facet of your county’s and state’s senior services. There is more housing/transportation/housekeeping/home care/errand assistance out there than people think. And aunt will not do the homework. She has everything she wants right where she is.

You & hubby need to take the reins. Get online and get on the phone. Make it happen.

You can still have a caring and appropriate relationship with aunt — as visitors. Take care and good luck. Don’t give up!
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Reply to BlackHole
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Be careful who and if you are going to invite someone into your home. Think everything through carefully. And timing is important. If your aunt is passively or actively refusing to go elsewhere, even after you’ve fairly tried to talk to her, you’ll have to get crafty and the timing must be right.

She’ll get sick again. And you might see how you can transfer her to an appropriate facility or place.

There are agency on aging offices all over the US. It’s a FED program. Call them. They’ve got options. Phone numbers, etc
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Reply to HolidayEnd
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If by any chance she refuses to go, or makes no effort to find a place, don't give up! This happened to us and to a couple in our family and it took far too long to get them to go, because we didn't want to hurt their feelings.... so much for that! Nice, but firm if necessary....
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Reply to mally1
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Tell her you are glad to be able to help her recover from the stroke. Tell her the next step, you would like to help her find her own place. If she asks why, tell her the arrangement to help is temporary not permanent as you and your husband need your home back.

Be clear to her. Set a date and stick to it. Better you hurt her feelings than hurt yourself and husband and most important your marriage. She doesn't mind taking advantage of you, then no need to keep extending your hospitality or feel bad stopping it.

It may feel difficult to broach the subject, but it will only last the few seconds (the length of your opening line.) Once you start the talk, it will be easier, and you'll be so glad you did. Your husband will thank you. Do it for him and your marriage.
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Reply to polarbear
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What is the plan Namaste? Is she supposed to be there until a certain level of recovery is reached? Did she give up her previous home? Does she have a care contract with you? Give us a bit more information.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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