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Guilt isn't appropriate and belongs to felons. Guilt requires that you did something evil out of evil intent, and out of evil intent you plan not to stop.
The more proper word for what you are feeling is "grief": grief that you are so depleted and exhausted, and that nothing can ever be enough. And you are feeling "obligation" to make the end of life happy.

I would admit to yourself in this new year that your loved one needs the care of several shifts of people with several people working each shift, not the help of a family member who has gone from being a beloved family member to a caregiver, and who cannot conceivably supply all that is needed to someone in this state.

There are hopes and dreams and there is reality, and neither is being served in your condition.
We have here seen caregivers die before the ones they are attempting care of.
Sadly, there is no happy answer here. And the end of life--trust me as I am 83--isn't about happiness. I am so sorry for all you're going through.
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BurntCaregiver 9 hours ago
Well said, Alva.
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Being exhausted is normal, so much caregiving is just exhausting, both physically and emotionally. There’s nothing to feel guilty about, her issues of aging were inevitable and not your fault. It’s okay to feel sad over it, and wish she could be better, but guilt is for those who’ve done something wrong. Please know your mother doesn’t need a frustrated, exhausted caregiver, it’s not good for either of you. You both need a new plan going forward. Don’t fear admitting that, you’ve done your best, it’s simply time for change. I wish you courage and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You don't give us much to go on but if your mothers care is now just too much for you it's time for plan B.
That may be placing your mother in the appropriate facility using her money or Medicaid, or hiring in-home aides (with her money) to come help her so it's not all on you.
You matter too in this equation please don't forget that. Your mother I'm sure would NOT want you killing yourself because of her, nor would she want you feeling guilty over anything as you've done nothing wrong.
You didn't make your mother old or sick, so quit beating yourself up over doing the best you can for her.
Please take care of yourself and start looking into that plan B.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Can you tell us more details? Do you and your mother live together, or do you go to where she is living? What is her financial situation? You don't need to do anything that exhausts you and threatens your own health. Think, what solutions would your mother have if you did not exist, or if you lived on the other side of the world?
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