She is seriously trying to drive a wedge between my husband and I. My husband and I uprooted and moved to Wyoming from New Mexico four years ago. At the time grandma was claiming she had about a year left. I have no way of proving that, but I am certain she made that up so we would move closer to help her. She demanded that we live with her, after a year and is half I got pregnant--we were newly married and we wanted a baby-- so we bought a trailer next door to her.
She has diabetes and doesn't take care of herself at all. We tried to get her a nutritionist, we discussed our concerns with her doctors the last time she ended up in the hospital after a sugar binge--she ate a whole double chocolate pound cake last Christmas and was in hospital four days. Twice a year, like clockwork, she decides that she is on her death bed, and calls everyone she knows and tells them good bye. Then she gets bored with it and is fine the next week. I know that I sound like I am being harsh, or that I am resentful, but that is not it. She is manipulative and she always has been. Yes, she is 81, she could be gone tomorrow.
Anyways, I am pregnant, and I have a two year old. While my husband is willing to stay here and help her. It kind of all falls on me because he won't even talk to her any more. The town we are stuck in, is not home. I have two kids and am thousands of miles from home--home is Alaska-- I am about to finish college and there are no opportunities here. Ironically I am getting a Bachelors degree in human services. My husband had to take a huge pay cut when we moved here, and honestly, I am burnt out. I am sick of trying to help someone that doesn't want my help, at all. I am sick of being broke, I am sick of caring for someone who's own children won't even talk to her, she is agreessive and manipulative. Also, and I mean this is the worst one,I am so sick of being disappointed when she wakes up every morning. That is not me, I hate myself for the way I feel about her. I just feel like we have been duped and that maybe it's time for her to move into a senior apartment complex, where she can be monitored a bit closer, but still maintain her freedom. Or maybe she could go live with her own children.
My biggest concern is my marriage. I have been stressed out enough that I almost want to just pack up and leave my husband. I wouldn't I love him, but if he wants to stay here and feels obligated to deal with her, I just know that it will all come down to me. I am finally hitting my breaking point. here is an example that may give this some context when I say she is mean and manipulative. I am 14 weeks pregnant and refuse to tell her. When I got pregnant with our daughter We were in the middle of buying our house. Then we told her--due to plumbing issues with the house we had to wait until after winter to move in--and she refused to talk to or look at me until after my daughter was born. She did break the silence to tell me I should get an abortion or give her up for adoption. Then we continued to live with her for six months.
Anyone have suggestions? Should we just leave her to the in-laws? I really don't know what to do. It isn't like she is in that bad of shape, she can drive still, she had people that do her shopping and cleaning for her. Compared to many elderly people she actually has it pretty good. I don't even know why she is so insistent on us being here. She doesn't ask for anything and she complains when we do things for her anyway. I am just starting to see this situation as a threat to my marriage, my career goals, my life, my daughter --who she gives excessive amounts of candy and then yells at me like a drill Sargent when I ask her not to. I can put up with dieing. I have been through the end of like process with many people, I am planning on doing my internship with hospice actually. None of that phases me, she is just not a good person, and she is dragging me down with her and i know that is what she wants.