My husband was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment and won’t go back to the Neurologist or his Primary Care Physician. His dementia is progressing but he thinks he is okay, who should I go to for help?

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My husband has Mild Congnitive Impairment which was diagnosed over two years ago. I have been dealing with a lot of things but at this time I need help and don't really know who to turn to. We have a dog who has been diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. I have been treating her now for two weeks. He doesn't trust the vet. Told me last night that if she dies he will kill me. I tried to ignore him as he has said things of this nature before. This time it really scared me. A little while later he said he would never hurt me. Then as usual as he does every night tells me he loves me. I was wondering if his dementia is progressing. He won't go back to the Neurologist or his PCP. He thinks he is OK. I see him declining everyday. Who should I ask for help? The Neurologist or the PCP? If I could find some help maybe we could trick him into getting to a doctor. I know he needs help and I do try but really don't know how far over the line I should step without causing any more problems than I already have.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I can't keep going on this way.

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My husband has been diagnosed with dementia. He is currently hospitalized a 2nd time in a month. His ranting, raving and accusations went on for hours before I called for help to 911. He is just 55 with many health problems. The police and health professionals are very nice. My husband that once adored me now treats me horrible. I hope he will let me take care of him when or if he returns. Our grown son lives with us to help as I have to work.
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the caregivers above have given you good feedback. I agree with crowe in the fact that you must take seriously his threats to you. In his mind he is right. We are not here to scare you but to help make you vigilant so you can protect yourself.

If you google dementia related crimes you will get an eyeful.
Make you house a safety zone for you. Hide any weapons, knives, etc. He's demented and you have to stay way ahead of him in your thinking.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Awful.

And don't worry about clogging up the forum and just erase your browsing history every time in case that is an issue.......
We're here.

lovbob
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Even if you don't have legal authority, you can always talk to your husband's doctor. There are no restrictions on what you can say. There may be restrictions on what the doctor can tell you, but your input can still be very valuable in helping the doctor see a more comprehensive picture. Hang in there!
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If your husband says anything about killing you again, then is the time to call 911 because he is a danger to you. Ask for a CIT trained officer to come if they have one for they are trained to deal with people with problems like C.O.P.D. I sure hope you have medical and durable POA for your husband. If you have medical POA, you then have the legal right to discuss your husband's medical problems with his doctor, just one to one.
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Patricia, I think if you click on my name that takes you to my wall. I'm pretty new here myself. Each discussion forum has its own protocol and personality. I've never been on one where comments are made outside the main stream. I think I prefer keeping it all in the same thread, so others can see the exchanges so far and offer additions or other points of view. We'll see how I feel after I've been here a while.

How about writing a letter addressed to both doctors, explaining that it is difficult to speak frankly from your home phone. Some clinics accept email; others don't. But the USPS snail gets through pretty reliably. Also ask for advice on how to get hubby to make and keep an appointment.

It is clear that something must be done for you, as well as for Allen. Starting with the medical folks will help you know a little better what you are facing and what you need to plan for. I would also get Social Services involved. Find out what resources are available in your area. If you are afraid of your husband's temper when you discuss these things, would having someone there with you (a friend or a professional, like a social worker) keep things calmer? Do not put yourself in danger, and do not hesitate to call 911 if necessary.

You sound like a take-charge person. I'm sure you'll manage some improvements, one way or another. Hang in there!
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JeanneGibbs First, I still owe you replies from one of my previous posts. Can I do this privately so I don't clutter up the forum? I will be 70 in Aug. and Allen just turned 84 in Mar. Thanks for all the suggestions. Some I already have in place like journaling everyday. What is so hard is that he gets so mad and I mean mad if I contact his doctors and ask questions. But who else is there to turn to. I don't want anything to happen that I would have to call the sheriff if you know what I mean. I just feel stuck. I don't think he has accepted he is not well anymore. He also has COPD and we had to work through that. This stuff has been going on for three years. I really don't know how much more I can handle by myself. I have no family and all my friends are either busy caregiving as well or just don't want to get involved. This is hard for me because I am always ready to help if needed. Yes, sooner than later is always the best. I think I read about some new meds as well as some older ones that could help but he doesn't seem to be interested in even trying. I guess this comes from aging

Thanks for the hugs and I'm sending you some as well. And, as they say when things get tough, the tough get going.
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Ah, Patricia, first lets start with a hug. I too am in my 60s married to a man in his 80s with dementia. It ain't easy being us, is it? Heck, caregiving anyone is a tough job.

I've read a few lines about your husband, I've never laid eyes on him, and I wouldn't be qualified to diagnose him it I did. But I'm with you in wondering if that mild cognitive impairment is getting a little less mild. MCI doesn't always progress into full-scale dementia, but it does often enough for you to be on alert. Getting some help sooner rather than later is good. But how? I think starting with a doctor who has his medical history is appropriate. The Neurologist may be better qualified to diagnose and treat different forms of dementia. But I would also consider the kind of relationship (if any) that your husband has with these doctors. Is he any more apt to listen to one than the other? Perhaps you could contact them both and see what they suggest.

You have lived with MCI a couple of years. How are things different now? I suggest starting a notebook to jot down "odd" changes in behavior or cognitive ability. It will be good to be able to talk in specifics when you do see a doctor. Does your husband take any medicines? You might note how regularly he takes them, and if there is any difference on days he takes than days he skips them. Same with amount of sleep he gets, and exercise. Collect any clues that may help evaluate this puzzle.

Sooner is better than later. There is no cure for dementia, but some symptoms can be treated for a much better quality of life, especially in the early stage. So starting in the early stage makes sense. Get the maximum benefit!

Again, hugs to you dear Patricia. Come back and let us know how you are doing.
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